Tarred and Feathered

Do you remember the old days when UTV news used to have headlines like 'Catholic Youth nailed to a cross in Bambridge' and 'Loyalist stapled to Milkcart and driven into crowded cinema'?

Well, it wasn't just the stories that made for depressing viewing. The studio and presenters looked they had recently been vandalised. Of course, all that changed when Bono grabbed David Trimble and John Hume by the hands, and Ulster Television news turned a corner.

So, instead of stories about 'Dublin to Belfast trains disrupted due to a dead Fenian on the tracks', we get news about 'the building of a Peace bridge between Newry and Dundalk'. Where we once would of had 'Young Belfast girl killed when she answers a lonely hearts from a Provo' we have 'cross community marriages now at all time high'...

That was until this

Electric Picnic Timetable and Guide - Sunday

Last part of my illegal guide to the Picnic..

So it's the morning of day three. Right now you're likely to be enjoying one of the following predicaments. Laid out naked in the St Johns Ambulance area with drips attached to you and doctors screaming, or in Bjorks changing room watching her juggle pigeons with one foot in a teapot, or dead. There is also a chance that you're being held captive in a skobies tent somewhere on the campsite. This is where the Battered sausage I told you to pack will come in handy. Offer this to the skob and make good your escape while he salivates all over it, but remember to burn the tent on your way. Unless you're dead, and we shouldn't rule it out, you're now well on your way to enjoying another great day of music.

As it's Sunday, we'll start with a little prayer. Start with 'Dear sweet baby Jesus' and take it from there. Now you'll be requiring a trip to the Waltzers as it's a great way to see what you food you spent your money on yesterday.

2pm Main Stage

Aim

Pretty cool dude, but he's likely to pretty isolated on the big stage. I wouldn't expect to be up dancing to this but that's cool as you forgot how to stand on Saturday afternoon anyway. Key songs 'Original Stuntmaster' and 'Cold Water Music'

So it's now 2.45 and there's pretty slim pickings around. You could quite feasibly kill yourself now, but we'll probably save that for later. You could also go see Bell X1, but you'd be at the wrong festival if you did so we'll contend ourselves with 6 beers for now. You will notice that the Picnic is beginning to look like the outtakes from 28 days later, but don't knock it. Most of the food available has been there for 3 days by now and you'd be codding yourself if you thought that Kebabarama didn't use human body parts in their burgers anyway. Gorge on the weak and get your arse to Dave Couse in the Foggy Notions tent

3.30 Foggy Tent

Dave Couse

It can go either way with the ex A House man, and it usually does. Pulling from a huge back catalogue one thing is for sure, it'll be a lot of fun and full of songs you know. Key tracks 'Endless Art' and 'Will it ever stop raining'.

If the Dance tent hasn't been confiscated by the Guards at this stage, you should get over there and throw some shapes. You should also be ready to throw some punches too because most of the people there are on their 27th pill of the weekend and things will have gone a little crazy. If you're so inclined, you could grab a quick feel of some young one and tell your mates later that you scored, it should be handy enough. Ok, leave the Celtic jerseys behind now and head into the home straight

5PM - Crawdaddy Tent

The Beasties are back and they'll be playing stuff from their pretty good instrumental album. Obviously you'll be pretty bored of this before long so you can nip over to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah at the Electric Arena. When you arrive in, make a big deal of actually clapping your hands and shouting 'YEAHHH!!' on the top of your voice. They love when people do that and you'll probably get sex out of it. Key Songs ' Satan said Dance' and ' Skin of my yellow etc'...

Couple of quick diversions now. Nip into Dan le Sac for his hit and get the hell out of there before he plays anything else. Unkle is on in some tent somewhere, so I'd groove along to him for a bit but you cannot justifiably be in the same county as Sonic Youth with actually going to see them. So go see them, as they're in the same county.

Blindness may well have set in to your good eye by now, but they say it increases your other senses so you should be able to hear the music perfectly now. So thank your lucky stars that Mika isn't playing. Rub a kebab over your face now, or better still, try and get it into your mouth and you're set for the final few hours.

8.45 Main Stage

Iggy and The Stooges

This will be Jammers, and with good reason. Looking like one of those preserved corpses over at St Michams, Mr Pop should be the highlight of the weekend. Key Track 'I wanna be your dog'.

You're gonna need a priest now, as I'm afraid the law of averages suggest one of your posse will have fallen victim to Consumption. Once the last rites have been administered and you've wolfed back 4 beers in memory, it's over to the Electric Arena.

9.30 Electric Arena

The Go! Team

It's the festival of love, so now's the chance to wrap some strangers crotch around your head and bounce them on your shoulders. Make sure they're the right way around though. Be liberal with your hugs, as they're a great chance to get in a sneaky grope or to pickpocket. Oh, I would avoid hugging the priest in the corner though, as I would with ANYONE who has their trousers around their ankles like he does. All of the Go! Teams songs are worth noting, so go wild.

So, we're nearly there. You've made it this far and that's something to be very proud of. Sure there's been the deaths, the rapes and Bjork but it's been all good. You might never walk again, but walking sucks anyway. There's only one hurdle left now and soon you'll be tucked up cosily in the back of an ambulance.

10.30 Primal Scream

The Screamers close the show and what a way to go out. These guys have more sides to them than a gang of schizophrenic triplets and will bounce from Country to Electro to Dance with the beat of a drum. They'll play 'Rocks' cos that's all most of you fools know but listen out for swastika eyes' too..

When the feedback all but disappears, and the lights come on, it'll be over. You'll see that the people you've been with all weekend aren't actually your friends and you'll now feel very alone. Don't bother looking for your shoes, they're long gone. So you trudge slowly over wet sand..."Morrissey, get away from my Computer'... Anyway, you'll make your way, heart heavy to the campsite. The familiar feeling of chaos has deserted you and the beats a million miles away, you'll wish it was all about to start again.. And that's the sign of a good festival. Not the scars, not being all cool in work the next day cos you're on crutches, but the fact that you'd do it all again...

And then you realise your tent is on fire.....

Electric Picnic Timetable and Guide - Saturday

So it's Saturday. You've had 2 hours sleep and you killed two campers with thier own guitars after the 78th rendition of 'crazy world'. Breakfast is slightly fizzier than normal and you appear to be naked from the waist down. If you're lucky, you'll still be on the electric picnic site and not wandering somewhere in Roscommon, so now's the time to make it count. Get up, spray some lynx over you and let's go...

First up

1.00 Foggy Notions tent

The Jimmy Cake

The first hour of the day is crucial to your overall survival, but if you're going to drop dead, this is the place to do it. Lingering instrumentals and emotion filled hooks will ensure that you meet your demise with a sense of ceremony. And, if you're one of the lucky ones and survive, this is the perfect start to the day. Key Songs 'The Opposite of Addiction' and 'this used to be the future'

Now, there is literally nothing to do until !!! at 3, unless you dig Marlenna Shaw, which I'm sure you don't. I suppose you could do a bit of vomiting now.

3.15 Electric Stage

!!! (CHK CHK CHK) or (EXCLAMATION, EXCLAMATION, EXCLAMATION)

Excellent thoughtful electro pop from these guys. Probably completely different live than on record and that should be a good thing. Also expect some interaction with their good buddies Hot Chipped Potatoes if they're still in town. Key Tracks 'Bend over Beethoven' and 'Must be the moon'

4.00 Bodytonic

Bonde de Role

Crazy sub rave pop clash madness from these 'yokes'. The music is a lot of fun to make a lot of noise to, which generally means it's not that good, but they could be the hit of the festival. Key tracks 'All of them'.

Ok, so we're now in the thick of it. You've gone blind in one eye, but it could of been only slightly worse. You've just buried a member of your party, and another looks close to death. Do the humane things and leave them to die on the Big Wheel and get your arse over to Spilly Walker


5.30 Foggy Tent

Spilly Walker

New surprise electronic side project from a well known Dublin trendsetter. I'll give you a clue : It's David Kitt

6.30 Crawdaddy

Architecture in Helsinki

You've got 15 mins, so run up and ask them to play 'do the whirlwind' first. Throw your arms around a bit and make your excuses. Jarvis is on

6.45 Electric Arena

The Cockmeister, (not in that way)

The highlight of the weekend. He'll absolutely love it if you run up, pull your pants down, wave your arse at him and ask him to play 'smooth criminal'. Key Track 'C*nts are ruling the world' 'Any Pulp Track'. Tell him Disgrace says hello, and don't worry when he looks confused, he always does that.

7.45 Foggy AND Crawdaddy

If you have split personalities, perfect. Send one to Ladytron with their searing electro beats and another to Ratatat with his pseudo hip-hop-electro. Then get your self to a doctor, because split personalities should not manifest them selves in such a physical fashion. While you're there steal some Morphine. You're going to need it later

8.45 Electric Arena

Erasure

Gay is the new straight, and where better to dance with your hands on your hips than at this. With more hits than the average battered wife, you'd wanna be dead not to enjoy this. Key 'Oh L'amour' and 'A little Respect'

9.45 Bodytonic

Simian Mobile Disco

Get your arse (if it's recovered from the above) to this for the last 45 mins of their set. Bursts of genius from these guys and they'll doubtlessly play that song that used to be cool before MTV started playing it. Key Tracks ' That one'. Of course, 'The Field' are playing too.. They're pretty damn good also

10.30 Quick Breather

Now's a good time to go looking for your trousers, probably back at the erasure tent. Do a quick headcount, and be ruthless, ditch the liabilities. Might be an idea to whack a bit of that morphine into you, cos you've just lost an arm and the pain is something else... We've only time for one more full band and a little bit of the Mary chain'..

10.45 Beastie Boys

It has to be. They're playing an instrumental set one of the nights and a full on hits collection the other. I've no idea what night this is, but then again, either will you


Sunday to follow

Electric Picnic Timetable and Guide - Friday

It's Picnic time children, and here's Disgraces picks, in reverse.

Friday

10 onwards

LCD Soundsystem - Friday - Main stage

Cooler than a lock-in at Solas, James 'could of played for Ireland' Murphy is back, or well, here at least. Key tracks 'North American Scum' and 'Tribulations'

9.45 - 10.00

Modest Mouse - Crawdaddy Stage

Expect this to be full of people who don't even realise they've released 39 albums. Get this 15 mins in before LCD. Key Tracks ' talking shit....' 'Float On'

8.45 - 9.45

Bjork - Main stage

More screeches and wails than a Priest Filled creche, but very occasionally, something melodic and beautiful emerges from beneath the noise and when it does it's nicer than Christmas . Key Tracks 'Earth Intruders' and ' Hyperballad'

8.00 - 8.45

You time - Anywhere

Relax now and take it easy. It's only Friday and you're already disgustingly drunk. At this stage you could wander into Simple Kid, but that'd be too easy. The Dance tent hasn't even got warmed up yet so I'd avoid that as it'd be a bit like being at Funderland on your own. Best to slump against a tree and French kiss a stranger right now. Their saliva should contain enough energy to keep you going.

7.00 - 8.00

Hot Chip - Main Stage

The party is really starting now. Hot Chip's 'Over and Over' was the soundtrack to a summer of pants dropping last year and with 'My Piano' on a decent DJ kicks records they're well and truly back. Note, Hot CHIPS are available from a number of Vans around the site, but they're not the same thing

5.45 - 6.45

Paul Hartnoll - Electric Arena

You've arrived. 7 cans of Tuborg down already and your bladder is so ready to explode that the US are considering it a threat to security. Release the beast and head to ex Orbital man Paul's eclectic set. He mixes it up a little, and it's a great start to a weekend, that all being well, you will end up being hospitalised after. Key Tracks 'Patchwork Guilt'.

Saturday to follow...

Full timetable here

The Destruction of Peters Pub

Peters Pub in Dublin City Centre was an oasis of down to earth normality. Lurking, non-threateningly in the back streets between Georges and Grafton, it's curtained windows gave off a homely, yet sophisticated air where only on a sunny day would you see any custom. Not that there wasn't any on the other 364 days of the year, but on those grey and cold afternoons, these drinkers were tucked cosily behind the net curtains and being kept warm by the balmy flow of soft conversation. Stepping in from a day shopping, you'd be lucky to get a seat at the bar as it was so small, so the best you could get was one of the couches along the left hand side. But it'd do. The old regulars would be perched at the bar anyway. There'd be no music. No Television. No distractions. It was a beautiful place to get very beautifully drunk in.

The other day, myself and two members of the Disgrace appreciation society were keen to refresh ourselves and a suggestion to hit 'Pete's' was motioned. It passed. When we arrived at the door, I was greeted with the sight of a man in 'work garments'. Even though he had a hammer in his hand and pencil behind his ear, I had decided that he was merely an alcoholic carpenter (just like Karen) and went to casually brush him aside.

He didn't have to say anything because I was stopped quite firmly in my tracks. I looked through the window (one of the ones in the picture there) and was greeted with a badly executed Opera of disaster. The bar, which had once oozed with character, was gone and had been replaced with 50's re-model faux wood panels, 'distressed' to look older. The landmark toilet, which had so much wrong with it, that it was just perfect, was gone. A wall, which once separated the pub from the shop next door, was gone. Christ, even the shop next door was gone. And now, the character was also gone.

Disgrace and Co. struck up a conversation with the 'builder' and he promised us that the finished article would be different, that it's merely an 'auld lick of paint'. I shook my head dismissively, as I do with the working class, and turned and headed for Camden Street.

Another bit of Dublin is gone. And, judging by last nights return visit to Peters, so are the regulars.


*Pic from fjp

Full Electic Picnic Timetable

Don't forget Disgraces amazing guide to the Picnic.. It's Here and Here and Here

Friday

MAIN STAGE

10:30-12:00 LCD Soundsystem
8.45-9.45 Bjork
7.00-8.00 Hot Chip
5.30-6.15 Ukelele Orchestra of GB ©


ELECTRIC ARENA


9.15-10.30 The Good, The Bad & The Queen ©
7.30-8.30 Manic Street Preachers
5:45 - 6:45 Paul Hartnoll Band

CRAWDADDY STAGE


9:30 - 10:30 Modest Mouse
7:45 - 8:45 Simple Kid
6:30 - 7:15 Scott Matthews
5:30 - 6:00 How I Became the Bomb

BODYTONIC

12.30-2am Derrick Carter
1130-1230 Greenskeepers Live
0900-1130 Mr Scruff
0730-0900 Dixon & Ame
0600-0730 The Glimmers
0500-0600 The Elecktrons
0400-0500 Larry Heard
0300-0400 Stereotonic DJs
0200-0300 Republik DJs
0100-0200 Backlash DJs
1200-0100 Acii Disco DJs

SWEETNESS&LIGHT

12 TBC
11.10. DADDY. (IRL)
10.20. Tado. (UK)
9.30. Alan Clarke. (IRL)
8.40. The Tender Trio’s Brian Coldrick & Christopher Reeves. (IRL)
7.50. David Rooney. (IRL)
7 Richard Gilligan. (IRL)
6 Intro video.


Saturday

MAIN STAGE

12.00-2.00 Chemical Bros
10.00-11.15 The Jesus and Mary Chain
8.15 - 9.15 Polyphonic Spree
6.30-7.30 Magic Numbers
4.45-5.45 Easy Allstars Radiodread
3.00-4.00 Craig Armstrong
1.30-2.15 Marlena Shaw & Orchestra
12.30-1.00 The Company

ELECTRIC ARENA

10.45-12.00 Beastie Boys
8.45-9.45 Erasure
6.45-7.45 Jarvis Cocker
5.00-6.00 MIA
3.15-4.15 !!!
2.00-2.30 Shychild
1.00-1.30 Channel One


CRAWDADDY STAGE

11.00-12.00 Duke Special
9.15-10.15 Spiritualized Acoustic Mainlines
7.45-8.45 Ladytron
6.30-7.15 Architecture In Helsinki
5.15-6.00 Fionn Regan
4.00-4.45 The Undertones
2.45-3.30 Dave Geraghty
1.45-2.15 Candi Payne
12:45-1:15 Delorentos


Foggy Notions

11.00-12.00 Deerhoof
9.15-10.15 Final Fantasy
7.45-8.45 Ratatat
6.30-7.15 Camera Obscura
5.15-6.00 Spilly Walker
4.00-4.45 Electrelane
3.00-3.30 Malajube
2.00-2.30 Angus & Julia Stone
1.00-1.30 The Jimmy Cake


Trends Lab

11.00-12.00 Nouvelle Vague
9.15-10.15 The Field
7.45-8.45 DHOL Foundation
6.30-7.15
5.15-6.00 65 Days of Static
4.00-4.45 Stephen Fretwell
3.00-3.30 My Brightest Diamond
2.00-2.30 Kissaway Trail
1.00-1.30 Redkid


Bodytonic

1200-2am Josh Wink
1030-1200 Marco Carola
0900-1030 Simian Mobile Disco Live
0730-0900 Jamie Liddell
0630-0730 DJ Marky
0530-0630 Hexstatic
0400-0530 Bonde Do Role
0300-0400 Annie Mac
0200-0300 SiSI (110 st DJs)
0100-0200 Inner City DJs
1200-0100 DJ Competition Winner



SWEETNESS&LIGHT

12 TBC.
11 Mike Mills. (US)
10 B+
9.10. Ben Drury. (UK)
8.20. Lovely Productions. (IRL)
7.30. Jill Furmanovsky. (UK)
6.40. M&E.
5.50. eBoy. (GER)
5 BrenB. (IRL)
4.10. Angry. (IRL)
3.20. Asbestos. (IRL)
2.30. Airside. (UK)
1.40. Aidan Kelly. (IRL)
12.50. Dan Willett & Mark James. (UK)
12 Conor & David. (IRL)


Sunday

MAIN STAGE

10.45-12.00 Primal Scream
8.45-9.45 Iggy & The Stooges
7.00-8.00 Sonic Youth
5.15-6.15 Soul II Soul
3.30-4.30 Horace Andy
2.00-2.45 Aim
12.45-1.30 Luisito Quintero
12.00-12.30 Gospel Choir


ELECTRIC ARENA

10.45-12.00
9.30-10.30 The Go! Team
7.30-8.45 UNKLE
5.45-6.45 Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
4.15-5.00 Rahzel & MC Supernatural
3.00-3.45
1.30-2.15
12:30-1:00 Fight like Apes

CRAWDADDY STAGE

10.45-11.45 Damien Dempsey
9.00-10.00 Kila
7.15-8.15 Rilo Kiley
5:00-6.30 Beastie Boys
3:15-4:15 The Fall
2.15-2:45 Patrick Wolf
1.15-1.45 Two Gallants
12.15-12.45 Warlords of Pez

Foggy Notions

10.45-11.45 Skream
9.00-10.00 Fujiya & Miyagi
7.15-8.15 Dan le Sac Vs Scroobius Pimp
6.00-6.45 Serena-Maneesh
4.45-5.30 Bat for Lashes
3.30-4.15 Dave Couse
2.30-3.00 Loney Dear
1.30-2.00 Si Schroeder
12:30-1:00 The Flaws

Time Trends Lab

10.45-11.45 Kieran Hebden & S Reid
9.00-10.00 Dub Pistols & Terry Hall
7.15-8.15 The Ting Tings
6.00-6.45 Sons & Daughters
4.45-5.30 The Aliens
3.30-4.15 Good Shoes
2.30-3.00 Halves
1.30-2.00 The Little Ones
12:30 - 1:00 Oppenheimer

BODYTONIC

1030-1200 Derrick May
0900-1030 Bodytonic Sound System
0800-0900 Joakim Live
0700-0800 Aquerla (Samba Band)
0530-0700 DJ Yoda
0430-0530 Bugs In The Attic
0330-0430 DJ Craze & A-Trak
0245-0330 Scribble Records pres DJ Kormac
0200-0245 Stee Downes (10 piece band)
0100-0200 Timmy & Al Simms(Stiff Kitten)
1200-0100 Viva DJ's - Limerick


SWEETNESS&LIGHT

12 TBC.
11 Colonel Blimp w/directors.
10 Shynola. (UK)
9.10. Tim Biskup. (US)
8.20. Oliver Jeffers. (IRL)
7.30. Rinzen. (GER)
6.40. Johnny & Michael Kelly. (IRL)
5.50. Hort. (GER)
5 Gary Baseman. (US)
4.10. Linda Brownlee. (IRL)
3.20. TBC.
2.30. Conor Harrington. (UK)
1.40. David Cleary. (IRL)
12.50. Jon Burgerman. (UK)
12 Glenn Leyburn. (IRL)

Trapped in the Closet

Whether or not the title is some reference to his struggle with his sexuality, R Kelly's collection of 'hip-hopera' could be deemed as amusing as it is disturbing. If I could finally accept that Americans can do 'irony' I would be rolling around the floor laughing at this, but as I can't, I guess this is just plain frightening.

Trapped in the Closet (Full Series on Google)

For the way we die Today

Get a load of this poster that I saw in my local Londis. Nearly as shocking as their prices, it offers to 'help you fill' your childs schoolbag, though you may require an unlimited overdraft to do so, and then goes further and prints a picture of a person 'hanging' and what appears to be a coffin, again offering to help you fill it.

The 2-for-1 special on ropes doesn't help either

O'Driscoll Punch - Bayonne v Ireland

If losing out in the Six Nations to a dubious last gasp try wasn't enough motivation to beat the French in the Rugby World Cup, then this surely is..

Now I can see why the English hate them so much.

Anyone for Freedom Fries?

L'incident - wideo
match de rugby

Mots-clés : bayonne rugby

Video de bayonnaisbleu

Aprés Match Late Late Show Spoof

More magnificent and surreal antics from Apres Match, check out the delivery just after the 1.10 mark.

Again, if you're not holding your sides after this, I will need a photo of your gravestone as an excuse.

Dead Cert

Many, many moons ago, when the Eighties was still a very vivid memory and carpet jackets had just burst onto the scene, a curtain-topped and chisel jawed Disgrace was handed a piece of paper that he had spent the previous 13 years fearing. The Leaving Certificate. After the customary whooping and yahooing, my classmates and I all retired to the local lakes where the weak and the red-headed were dispatched with wet abandon. Flour bombs garnished with rotten eggs, were lashed at passing cars with much hilarity. Our artistic talents were hilariously exposed as we gave our teachers cars new paint jobs. There was also streaking, mooning, and indecent exposure in the very corridors of academia that we once slowly trudged.

Eventually, after one of the guys lost his front teeth, we took a break from the carnage and most of us went home to change. I was still wet and covered in flour (I was never the most popular in school) and I remember vividly pulling off my uniform with a fleeting sadness. My shirt had been autographed by all my friends and I was really going to miss both of them. Anyway, after explaining to my folks that "F's" were actually good, I was back down at the school armed with two 2 litre's of 'White Lightning' cider. I'm sure you know the drill from here, I drank the two of them, I vomited them back up. Then there was the noisy bus journey into town, where rivers of urine flowed from lane ways. Coats, heavy with Naggins, hung in cloakrooms all around the city. There was more vomit. Then some mooching, some vomiting, some mooching and some bouncers. The night was like a carousel of chaos, and when we returned home (minus our coats) we left a trail of destruction behind us that would of had the Danish apologising.

This morning then, I was battle ready. I emerged from Disgrace Manor with trepidation. Surely, I thought, the city will be in meltdown. Cars, will be littered around the streets, like litter, only car shaped. And on fire. I expected casualties. Bodies of 17 year olds, all stacked up like Surrey cattle. I anticipated rivers of vomit, crashing through Rathmines. I even wore less exclusive aftershave in a probably vain attempt to ward off amorous females. But I need not of worried. For instead of a post-leaving-apocalypse, I was greeted with the usual hustle and bustle of Dublin town. No screaming fire engines. No speeding squad cars. Not even a single pavement pizza to negotiate.

It appears that Irish teenagers have gone soft. I suppose I'll have to blame Bertie on this one too.

Disco Denis Hickie

As Lansdowne road continues to be developed for apartm.. sorry, a new national stadium, this touching time lapse vid has surfaced. It's just like seeing an old stadium being demolished, very quickly.

In related news, the Hickster has handed in his notice and is intent on going out at the top. Here's two of his finest moments (so far) in an Irish Jersey. Incredible tackle, incredible try

TV3 - AUTUMN SCHEDULE

Boasting "Literally 'hours' of original content", and "more adverts than you can shake your wallet at", TV3 today announced it's jam-packed Autumn schedule. From the exotic surrounds of the public toilets at St Stephens Green, and with an obvious emphasis on fun, Gary Glitter tribute act 'Up the Glitter' entertained the invited guests and journalists before the main presentation by the head of programming.

Ranging from Drama to Comedy, TV3 have delivered a mesmerising selection which is guaranteed to delight.

Here's some Highlights:

Reality:

The Bus - NEW SERIES - Documentary following a 14A as it gets it's monthly wash at Donnybrook depot. Featuring close up shots of the Bus windows before AND after the wash

Cookin’ Deadly!! - Cookery show presented by members of chart-topping Dublin rock group Aslan. Today Christy prepares Sausages in Batter for his 42-year-old Grandmother whilst the ugly drummer guy attempts a Batch Loaf sandwich. Sponsored by Murphy’s Opticians, Ringsend.

Drama:

Heartbreak Street - New drama series from the US focusing on thelives and loves of a group of twenty-something’s on ‘Heartbreak Street’. Episode One: Alan and Jessie’s romance ends in heartbreak, whilst there is heartbreak in store for Molly. Meanwhile, Craig is bracing himself for heartbreak as he goes to visit Marcy.

Muldoon and Le Touche - Detective series straight from the US featuring two sexy lesbian cops. Muldoon is a 21 stone African American whilst Le Touch is an alcoholic Canadian with a gimpy leg. Today the crime-fighters uncover a secret drugs warehouse and are shocked to find drugs in it

Comedy:

Hammered! - Gritty Northern comedy from the North - Episode One - Bowsy is skinned alive outside the community centre and Jonny gets into a fist fight with his Granddaughter. Meanwhile Gerry and Melissa’s wedding is off again as he gets nailed to a cross by provos and Andy has some serious questions to answer after he’s discovered floating in a pint of milk.

Light Entertainment:

The Big Happy Alarm Wake Up Call Morning Breakfast Dawn Entertainment Show - Snappily titled breakfast show presented by Fr Brendan Smith (Not that one!!).Today’s guests include a young Longford boy who believe his teeth are haunted and a couple who claim their washing machine says 'sausages' when they put it on a mixed fabric wash.

Sport:

The World Cup Final! - Live coverage of this years Egg and Spoon World Cup Final from Algeria. Competitors battle it out for the World Cup Final, in this, the Egg and Spoon World Cup Final

Movies:

Cysb u Indoiom - Classic Kurdish movie starring Alsaf Hxemipo as a horse who dreams of being a little boy. (1956)

And....

TV3 - A celebration – Hour-long special celebrating TV3’s birthday. Catch up with the gay guy who does the weather in the mornings as we go behind the scenes in our shed, sorry, studio. Filmed on a Nokia 6230 in mostly bad light for that ‘ cheap ‘ affect

Rising Quickly

I guess, after this, we won't be seeing much of Glen Hansard down in Whelans anymore?

Oh, and can the person who arrived at my site after doing a Google search for 'cunts popping out babies', please present yourself at Harcourt Garda station

Pikey Mikey Video

I'm really glad that the future of this country is safe and well in the hands of such intelligent youngsters.



Here's this guys Bebo, in case you have any questions for him

It's an Energy Drink

Repost of this skit from Naked Camera. Stick around until the end..