Thursday, April 13, 2017

A moan again, naturally


The Irish are at it again!

Now that the big sister Britain is saying goodbye, little Ireland has been crying. Our Dublin based person reports that a great many of the ordinary folk assembled in the civic quarters of the capital city, and launched into a march towards the centre of power on Saturday. This rally, which occurred during a rare pause in the falling of rain, was a collective of many thousands of natives, all with angry looks on their faces. The cause of this anger? Non existent taxes!

Yes, you read it perfectly fine. The Irish, who once famously starved and then moved to America, all because of a stubborn desire for nothing but a potato, stormed the government district to protest against a tax that is not being imposed! Excuse me, but my editor is laughing in a hard way over there. Even more amazing, 90% of the protesters are in receipt of various forms of special government support and don’t pay any taxes anyway! Imagine if the noble and obedient residents of Bonn suddenly gathered in many millions to say no to a strudel levy, even though there is no strudel levy or plans to introduce such a strudel levy!

All of the friendly EU countries (apart from poor Ireland) currently asks the people for taxes for water, because thanks to the functioning education systems and a lack of ignorance in their heads, there is a collective understanding that clean and fresh water for drinking requires much investment with money. In Ireland however, the same people who like to have all their workdays free and easy for leisure activity, and also like to travel to public drinking parties on government provided bus cards, believe that water literally falls from the skies! Ha ha, okay Brendan, why don’t you drink your tasty water from that green bucket outside the door?

An EU spokesman said: “We gave Ireland billions of Euro to save its economy, and they literally pissed it over a bridge. The only thing we asked is that they impose a completely reasonable Water Tax, in line with the rest of Europe, to pay for essential services, supply and maintenance. They haven’t done it. Unfortunate for them, considering that their great ally, the UK, is now exiting the EU. Let see how many Mushroom’s the Belgians buy off them. Or the demand in Estonia for Kerrygold. I wonder too, will Radio Belgrade be requiring Ryan Tubridy's services as a summer stand-in? Basically, I’m saying hard border, full customs and a return to the Ireland of 1981. Bagatelle and all”

In defence, the fuhrer of the ‘right to water’ movement, addressing his adoring but naive public from the behind section of a truck and shouting  in an accent that this German reporter found difficult to understand, more or less said “I arranged this anti-water tax march to keep my profile up and ensure votes in the next election”. The crowd all jumped up and down, and frothed like diseased Pinschers as his voice went to loud. “No way, we won’t pay” they chanted, like ghost children in a scary Irish version of the Pied Piper “No way, we won’t pay... “

For anything it would seem.

Klaus Katershul, Dublin.