Happy Dunphys Day Everyone

Cheeky chappy cockney geezer Terry Venables got into the Paddies Day spirit by defining Irishness in a surprisingly insightful and gushing lament for the modern day St Patrick himself, Eamon Dunphy. Praising the Dunpster for being a 'convicted drink driver' and 'self-confessed' cocaine user, El Tel metaphorised the entire nation with a remarkable turn of phrase, and uncanny knowledge of all things Irish..

Happy Dunphys Day everyone from all Disgrace Towers (just me)

What a load of my Cock(ney)

So, the shiny faced Cockney ex-manager pundit that is Terry Venables looks a shoo-in for the vacant Ireland soccer managers job. Here's a copy of his application letter that I scanned when I broke into the FAI last night to shit in John Delaneys drawers...


"Dear Diamond Geezers at the EFF AAA I!!!,

Top of the bleedin Days Dawning to you!!

Har Har Har.. What about that then? The Oirish. Church Bell, what can I say about the Paddies, the old Tea Caddies?? Har Har Har.. I wish to apply for the job of Manager of the Repub-a-lick of Iland. I've been the Gaffer of loads of teams like Barcelona and Tottingham Hotspurs. You little beauty!!!

I have a severe all over Peter Pan, and although some may say it's orange, I hope that won't be a fraser crane in the Kybher Pass.. Har Har Har. Me auld mucker, Randy Andy Townsend will be at me Princess Bride all the lemon and Lime and he'll be showing me all the rub-a-dub-dub's over there in Dublin and the best places to go on the old Matt Le Tiss and to get a nice Ruby Murray. I'll need a one bed flat cos I've just divorced the old trouble and strife by the way.. Har Har Har

Here, 'Av a picture of me farting into a pint of bitter at the Groucho and if you need a reference, Tommy down the Pig and Whistle will do you up one on the back of a beermat.

Don't be a Queens Park Ranger, and get back to me, me old garden gates..

Shaba Ranks,

El Tel"