Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Greetings from TV3

They were late this year..

“Dear Michael (?), we all know the feeling. You’re tucked up in bed, the soft glow of the landing light (or a visiting rapists torch) drifts into the room like a soft whisper (or silent and poisonous gas). The distant jingle of sleigh-bells (or a lunatic with a bicycle chain) arouse the senses as you start to count the hours until it will be Christmas morning. You’ve never felt so warm (house-fire maybe?) and a smile slowly creeps up on you (like a sleazy uncle on a hot summers day in the 80’s when you got one of those small paddling pools that everyone had). Well, guess what. With Irelands favorite* TV station, TV3, you get not only the best in year round entertainment, but also the best in Christmas television. Starting just before Christmas, and ending sometime after it, TV3’s 2008 festive schedule is packed to the brim with magic, wonder and advertisements. Just look at some of the examples :

An Audience with Alan Hughes - The ever popular ‘front lounge’ weatherman entertains a star studded audience at this specially recorded show. Viewers will hardly notice that the audience shots are from ‘an audience with Lionel Ritchie’, originally aired back in June. – Might want to remove that bit, LOL!!, Ed!

Filthy Carpet Munchers - Fascinating insight into the lives of carpet bugs and lice. Using microscopic microscopes we look at these little...Oh wait, you've stopped paying attention cos you thought this was a sexy lesbian show!!?.. Sponsored by Meanies

Snap! - Brush Sheils hosts this fast paced game show where contestants must battle each other by laying down cards on a table andshouting 'Snap' when two of the same cards appear together. Prizes provided by Graces newsagents, Ballinasloe

The big crazy fucking deadly Christmas movie – The Nutty Professor – Sober tale of a quiet 47 year old Norfolk Professor who is diagnosed with clinical depression based insanity which threatens the stability of his family and job. Starring Terry Nutkins (the Really Really Wild Show)

Live Olympic Games!! - Exclusive coverage of the dog Olympics from Serbia. We’re live from trackside for the ‘Dog on another Dogs back’ 75-metre hurdle and the final of the ‘bark off’. We also have extended coverage of this morning’s ‘Dog and Spoon’ race. Presented in association with Whiskas.

The School around the corner (From Albania) - Children say the funniest things, and this popular show from the former Eastern Bloc country is no exception. Today we meet the students of Zigau girls school who have battled back from the horror and trauma of an attack from a marauding decapitation gang and a serious gas leak that went unnoticed for six years.

Bowling for Coolmine - Behind the scenes documentary, which sees a team of amateur Bowlers from the North Dublin estate cashing in on their close name association to the Michael Moore film

Hammered - The hilarious Ulster comedy continues to win awards and last week was the recipient of the first ‘Pat the Baker’ television hero prize. In this special Christmas episode, Milo is concerned to find his house has been burned to the ground and his car daubed with politically sensitive slogans. Whilst on the ‘other side’ Jamie’s hands are sawn of by the O’Malley twins leaving him doubtful for his wedding later that day.

I think you will agree, that TV3 is simply more than ‘UTV with a different logo’ and this Christmas raises the bar of in festive entertainment.

All the best for the festive season,
The TV3 gang!"

*Survey was conducted in the men’s toilets of Busaras. Question asked “If we threatened to drug you, beat you and send your body in small pieces to each member of your family, would you agree that TV3 is the best TV channel on Irish Television?”. We got 6 yes’s.!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Disgraces Christmas memories..

I once gave an ex-Girlfriend an Epilator for Christmas. It being top of the range and purposely ‘the most expensive they had’ mattered not as the festive tears began flowing.

I suppose you could blame Fakey. I had called him and his (then) Fiancé, soon to be (now) Wife, who was (then) and (still is) my ex's sister and asked if they thought it was a good idea. They literally cheered me on from the sidelines as I bought the thing.

Not the first Christmas/Relationship that Fakey ruined on me, I'll have you know.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Disgrace's 'Back to mine - Please!' mixtape

Everyone’s at it, so I thought I’d crash the party with my own..

May I present (for those special moments when you’re parked at the edge of a pier in the driving rain, crying and saying goodbyes in your head or as you’re waiting for your gas oven to get nice and toasty), National Disgraces ‘Back to mine – Please!’ Mix-tape.

“A warning to everyone that blog posts can be the first sign of a friends impending suicide – Essential stuff” The Metro

“From the opening notes of ‘self mutilation with a whisk’ to the closing ballad of ‘hot head - repeated banging of cranium against sharp edge of radiator’ this collection rarely raises its head above the blankets, but it’s all the better for it. A sumptuous collection of misery” Hot-Press

“Put this on, open a bottle of Red, send the kids to bed and find a lofty beam on which to tie your rope – perfect for when you just feel like ‘hanging’.."- The Irish Examiner

“Not since the Mini-Pops post-rehab reunion album has so much soul been poured into a record. You can hear the pain, literally, especially on track 4 ‘sound of chainsaw in cold bathroom echoing throughout house’” Housekeeping Weekly

“It should be Number 1 forever” Morrissey

Do you want a copy?