Monday, September 3, 2007

Celebrating Stupidity - Brian wins the UK's Big Brother

I was watching a cleverly shot, art house classic about a train driver who gets a haircut the other night when one of my feline friends accidentally stood on the battery powered television channel switcher and changed my viewing from sexy film noir, to sexless bag of shit. He had switched on Big Brother.

There, parading in front of me like a procession of members of the Myra Hindley appreciation club at the world crèche championships, were a veritable who's who of absolute stupidity. First, we had two vacuous twins. Giggling and bouncing around like a duo of happy ping-pong balls, and just as pointless. Where in the world could you be presented with two attractive and innocent blonde twins and not be remotely interested in naughty thoughts? On Big Brother that's where. This pair, with their ringtone charm and fake telepathy, are so devoid of sex that it make a month old pancake with pencils stuck in it attractive..
But that's not what this is about.
You see, the next character to present themselves for my accidental viewing was a gentleman by the name of Brian. Brian, from here on in will be a metaphor for Britain in general.

Brian was the winner of this years show, a show that I like to think of a reverse quiz show. A competition whereby the most stupid person wins. Less 'Where in the world' and more 'Where is my brain'. Possibly Brian, it could be on the moon, which according to you, is MUCH bigger than the earth. Yes Brian, the Earth. You do remember you telling one of the Lobotomy Twins that we lived on Earth, but being a little unsure?. I'm not too sure either Brian...

So this guys wins. He was a likeable sort nonetheless, but then again, Battenberg cake is likable, but I wouldn't rely on it to fill in my tax returns. Despite him being 'astonished' that Ireland had it's own flag, because he thought it 'was an island'. He was right about that at least.

What is it with Britain and it's rewards for stupidity. Remember this is the country that voted David Beckham as prime minister (well, kind of). This is the country where Ant and Dec are the high brow, high point of entertainment, despite the two of them being captains of the idiotic.

Then again, we were all conned. I mean, once I discovered that William Shakespeare DIRECTED Romeo and Juliet, I knew that the Brits had been having us on all along


Nonny said...

He was a fooking nob!

Michael Nugent said...

It's almost like a mathematical formula - the voting on the final night (when most people vote) ended up as

1. Brian
2. Twins
3. Liam
4. Ziggy
5. Carole
6. Jonty

Which is pretty much ranking all six of them in reverse order of intelligence as displayed on the show.