Thursday, June 5, 2008

Broken Ideas (1)

Ok, I’ve changed the header. Some people (Rosie) didn’t take to the ‘airborne sperm’ so I’ve pulled it down.

Thanks to Westy for the graphic.

I’ve been pretty quiet on the blog of late. It’s a combo of a lot of things I suppose. I’m busy in work for one, although that does not for one second mean that I’m actually beginning to take my job seriously. I also upended a full bottle of Erdinger on my laptop recently, so my home blogging experience has suffered as now my X and C keys don’t work. And I also got a new girlfriend. Well, an X-box 360 actually.

Add to all this that the most interesting thing to happen to me over the last few weeks wasn’t actually interesting, and you can see why the posts have been few and far between.

I’m planning to get myself into all sorts of romantic and dangerous situations this weekend just so I can blog about them on Monday, so watch out.

Anyway, here’s some clips of posts/randomness that I have discarded over the last few months..





Feb 2008Does anyone remember the story about the argument between Jesus and God about what colour 'wind' should be? I've heard it many times, but from different people, but the ending always stays the same. The bulk of the tale remains the same too. Jesus, despite not being around at the creation of life, was heavily canvassing his father for a light peach tint. God, as I've been led to believe, slapped Jesus across the face and called him a harlot. As punishment, he removed all trace of colour from the wind and therefore denied humanity a wondrous visual spectacle “





December 2007The annual Fake Empire/National Disgrace pre Christmas drink session has historically, proven to be a torrid affair. You, no doubt, will be familiar with the headlines that greeted our 'dead hooker' themed shindig of 2005 and who can forget that fateful night in 1997 when we 'collapsed the middle east peace process'. Last night, the Ant and Dec of the blogospehere took the festivities to the streets and I can gladly say that save for a 'small terrorist incident' the night was a roaring success"



Nov 2007Now, money has never been an issue for Disgrace, similarly, neither has space travel. Fawning benefactors, lucrative jock-strap sponsorship deals and 'protection' funding has kept the good ship Disgrace floating with vitalic buoyancy. "Money, is just a printed piece of paper that you give to people who sell goods, in exchange for said goods" Disgrace likes to joke.. But, when the laughter fades, and long after the air kisses , Disgrace has to sit down with his bank manager and do business”




October 2007I'd woken up in a sweat before, but nothing like this. It felt like a blanket of heavy damp on my skin. And my skin, it was cold. I couldn't touch it.It was now dark. It was darker than I'd ever seen and it felt like the blackness was crushing down on me. It felt like I was wrapped in ice. All my thoughts were being deconstructed before they had a chance to present themselves. The lack of light was suffocating me and I couldn't even speak. Who would I speak to? I didn't care, I want to scream.

There were noises, but they so far away I wasn't sure they were really there. And they were dull, heavy thumps of sound. I tried to roll over but it felt like there was nothing supporting me. And anyway, I couldn't move. I panicked. I couldn't feel my legs. That’s when I realized I was a fish.”




Late 2007So, I have to help Fakey out tonight. Apparently the perfectly good couch he has doesn't provide the optimum comfort/style ratio, so he's off to get a new one. It'll probably be a brush steel affair with a signature Rocco splash of colour and legs moulded to look like Jackson Pollacks cock, but that's Fakey.

It's a bit like the time he was going to cut off his head because he didn't like his new haircut. It'll be cool, I'll throw the couch on my back and mule-like I'll dispatch it wherever her likes. That's the kind of friend Disgrace is”

2 comments:

ger said...

LOLZ!

(And I do mean that - laughin'-tea-out-the-nose-time again reading The Disgrace... another shirt ruined - the dry-cleaning bills due to this blog are getting out of hand...)

Rosie said...

that's it, blame me.

you missed a fine night of situational romance and danger on friday.