Sunday, June 22, 2008

Arrrrgh, Girls!!!!


Margaret Tatcher, Myra Hindley and Cecilia Ahern. All Girls. All evil.

Just when I thought I didn't have a heart anymore, I've had it broken. It was a bit like getting up in the morning, knowing you don't own a car but finding that it had been stolen anyway. Disgrace has been breached. Tell the papers!! I've let mans nemesis, the non-man, penetrate me emotionally. All my tales of bachelor glory. All my tales of hard hearted bravado. All my tales of red hot chili/masculine self love now have been found to be fake.


You see, my mood nosedived over the weekend from 'Jolly Depression' to 'Christmas with Morrissey'. I realised that I had been subconsciously hedging my bets on a particular girl, who like most girls, turned out to be pretty much one step removed from a 'volcanic scorpion'. Not her fault I suppose, that I secretly lodged my heart in her 'no interest' current account, but it hurt nonetheless. It was a bit of a wake-up call, I've been cruising along lately, content that I was doing brilliantly without the need of a woman, when I realised that I was actually as involved with her as I have been with most of my previous girlfriends. And like most of them, she was oblivious. When this bolt hit me, I got scared. I have not been scared for a long time but suddenly every usual post break-up emotion (which I'd thought I'd avoided with some style in last few months), came knocking on my door, all at once. The fear of having to jump on the dating train. The fear of wasting time again with someone who's wrong for you. The fear that her vagina might have teeth. Anyway, I need not have worried about these when it came to this girl, because judging by her spectacular rejection the other night (she back flipped perfectly as she said no), I will not soon be meeting her parents or losing Disgrace Jr to a savage sex part.

It's good to be back.

4 comments:

Quickroute said...

Sorry you've been hurt. I don't know anybody who hasn't been burnt at one time or another. Take your time then go fishing - plenty fish in the sea and all that!

Fakey said...

you've been mugged.

Thriftcriminal said...

Dude, you'd do well to remember that it's all just brownian motion. two dots oscillate around each other briefly and then are off on their respective random travels.

Thriftcriminal said...

Oh and lay off the Julian May books.