I'd like to thank...

Despite having the literary grace of an overturned school bus, the humour of a Christmas Day house fire and the intelligence of a lemming, National Disgrace has been longlisted at the Irish Blog Awards. In such lofty categories of Best Blog and Most Humourous Post, ND finds himself up against some seriously good competition. Some of the others can actually spell.

Still, in anticipation of a shock shortlisting, I have had my Tux dry cleaned, de-loused, scraped and restitched. I've had the missing leg restored, removed the blood and sandblasted the crotch area. Then I destroyed it and bought a new one.

I'm already wearing it