Monday, July 30, 2007

Wine is nice

Disgrace kept himself in last night. It was a wise choice as Charity Your a Star was on. He drank some wine. He wrote a review of it. Here's it is

Budavar Pinot Grigio

The bottle, a clear glazed specimen with gummed parchment proudly singing of it's wares, was topped off by a curved and subtly sculpted 'wine hat'. The moment of release encouraged a sharp intake as it's applely mist devoured the senses. It would be wise to stand back, touch somebody you love very intimately and allow the narrow necked receptacle to release the olfactory sensation into the soft light of an evening, only now made memorable.

Two shimmering vessels of crystal should be left pondering and salivating at the prospect of this heavenly juice being lashed into their quivering lips. In the vicinity, a punnet of full and fresh plums, glazed only barely noticeably, by the thinnest of sweet layers of sugar cane. The choice of music, often overlooked when tasting the vine, should not be made hastily. Aggressive guitar music and heavy tribal beats are best avoided. Artists such as 'Sergio John Mulcahy Hernandez and the Holy Lemons', 'Orchestra of sudden death' and 'Hooka Jumpy Willowy Bip' provide the grace required for this dance with nirvana. Their low-lying drum shuffles dance merrily with drive-by pan pipes, and the vocals, sent from heaven, via some ethnic refugee camp, would make you drop your car keys with amazement. So, with Sergio's 'A woman in the fridge' playing on the 45, and your plums freshly sugared, you are now almost ready to savour the intercourse with your wine.

Pouring should be deliberate. The Vino, should be coaxed gently, but firmly. Remember, you are the boss. The first splash may alarm you. Like a crashed rainbow, the colours are still adjusting to their new settings. But boy do they adjust. Soon, a generous serving should be waiting for you.

And then it touches your lips

I would imagine sharing a lingering tongue filled snog with a certain Ms Marylyn Monroe, whilst riding down route 66, with GOD in the drivers seat might come close, but nothing else would. To say that my taste buds exploded and blew my head clean from my shoulders, would only just be a slight exaggeration. I will tell you, my life changed when I first tasted this wine. Colours, I never knew existed, suddenly came to life and whispered to me in hushed, bright tones. I began to speak fluent Spanish all of a sudden and I loved it.

With the earthiness of the lawn of a heavily manicured princesses garden, this vino gently ebbs and flows in your mouth, essentially teasing your taste buds. It's full bodyness, then unleashes itself in the most provocative manner and literally takes your mouth on a tour of the worlds native dances, stopping twice at flamingo. With a subtle hint of chillies, this 'great white' packs a delicate punch but does not bruise. The afterMATH is nothing short of completely sensational. A real Hollywood ending emerges once you have swallowed. It is likely you will fall in love with the first person you see at this stage, so tell your granddad to wait outside.

Overall? The nicest wine I have ever tasted. Olympic quality.

Seriously? Only 3.50 in Aldi, does the trick, get's you nicely toasted

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