The other day I posted a note on the back of the front door in the 'apartment' block I live in. It was a simple note, directed to anyone of the 100's of people that seem to live there. It was a basic request, which if taken on board, could help continue my existence on this planet.
Those of you who regularly poke around here will have often heard me refer to my current digs as being less than palatial. I can be hard on it, and it has a unique charm, but on the whole the place should be torn down. It has been castrated of its once proud Georgian features and on a street of immense character, it stands out like a Paedophile Priest in an under-11 soccer team line-up.
Aesthetics aside, the place is also a death trap. Because of where my flat is, I have little chance of survival in a house fire but just in case, I have my escape route planned out. The Bedroom window is a no-no, as I am four old school stories above the hardest looking concrete yard I have ever seen. Exit through the Kitchen window, presuming I lose enough weight to fit, would result in the loss of several limbs whilst my living room window is essentially bricked up. The only way out is through the corridors and down to the front door. However, somewhat making matters more difficult, somebody in the building thinks it's a great idea to bolt lock the front door every night. This ensures not only will I burn to death in my boxers as I try to break down the door but also that the Fire Brigade will not be able to get in.
So, it was with that in mind that I put the note up asking kindly that the door was not bolt locked. My note was removed and replaced with the one attached...
Any suggestions for a reply?
