Sunday, November 15, 2009

Television and the Worthless Loser

According to the statistics, there's double the amount of jobless men in Ireland than women. This obviously doesn’t include stay-at-home mothers and high class prostitutes, but still is an interesting marker. What all of this means is that roughly the same amount of penises as breasts spend their day lurking about the house in pitiful states of self-loathing.

As of today, daytime television is 87% geared towards women. This means that the dominant of the jobless species – the man, is subjected to daily reminders of just how worthless his life is. For a woman to be out of work, it’s like a holiday. There’s more TV shows about shoes and curtains than they can ever absorb, and I’m pretty sure they wake every morning with the giddy anticipation that only the early morning repeat of yesterdays ‘Afternoon Show’ can provide. Men meanwhile are best advised not to surface until 6.1 starts. Should they rise earlier they will have to either endure Dr Phil, Jeremy Kyle, multiple ‘How Clean is your house?’ and hours of programming subtly informing them how much of a loser they are. The rest of the listings, especially RTE2, is aimed towards children. Unless you live in Thailand, children are exempt from unemployment. Daytime, they should be in school, or down a mine, but not flicking through the channels.

All of this suggests that TV programming is all over the shop. Their target audience isn’t watching, Most home bound females will already be through their second bottle of Rosé by the time ‘Doctors’ has started it marathon afternoon run and the sort of children that don’t go to school will be up to their little necks in superglue down the park. That leaves men. Well, a casual flick of the remote will reveal nothing in the line of macho TV. No meaningful sport is aired on weekdays, no explosion filled blockbusters come on at breakfast and there’s little in the way of tits before Nationwide.

It’s no wonder that we all go to the Pub at 12.


Thriftcriminal said...

Go traveling man. I hear Canada has more strip clubs per capita than any other country. Alternatively south America is cheap (and easy).

Johnny said...

you could try to feminize yourself by ingesting industrial quantities of estrogen laced products (apparently shampoo). thus all those home makeover shows will be all the more bearable. that's what i've being doing. i'm sitting here in a dress typing this, though i haven't had a shave in weeks.

The Other Side Of The Coin said...

To be honest dude as a friend I would suggest you invest in pen and paper and take 'how clean is your house' a little more seriously.

National Disgrace said...

@Thrifty - You're always pushing this traveling idea.. Are you Gillian Bowler in disguise?

@Johnny - Are you Gillian Bowler in disguise?

@Coiny - I can assure you that my lair is spotless. In fact, my floor is so clean you could eat your dinner off it, which I regularly do seeing as the plates seem to be 'alive' with micro-cultures. Oh, you seen much of Gillian Bowler lately?

Thriftcriminal said...

Actually I am Brian Cowen and as I suspect you would vote against the glorious wonderment that is FF I am endeavouring to have you out of the country for any snap elections that might suddenly occur.

Flash Git said...

Dear Mr. Disgrace,
I have a series of complaints about your blog.

1. Where the hell is it?
2. Why aren't there any more posting?
3. Why have I seen nothing since November? (closely related to #2)
4. Why aren't you directing scripts for RTE or BBC?. I hear Leave it to Mrs. O'Brien is due for a cracking comeback with fanfare and baloons?
5. Father Ted is shit

There's a rhetorical floozy in there alright!

best wishes

PS. Have you found a job yet?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

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Flash Git said...

Dear Disgrace,
I was upset at the tone of your last comment; I quote [ "困難的不在於新概念,而在於逃避舊有的概念。"] More than anything I think you have misunderstood the true etymology of the word "困難的不". While the essence of your point is not without merit and indeed in some cicumstances m ay even be true I believe you are generalising to the particular.
i remain, yours respectfully,


By the way.. what language is that anyway?

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Johnson said...

Dear Mr Disgrace

I see that you have become popular with several Asian rude-tube websites. Well done.

I have also to note that you are no longer posting about your silly grievances, is it possible that things no longer irritate you?.... Have you become a Scientologist?

Maybe Gillian Bowler has examined your poos and sent you into an unstoppable shame spiral from her findings... I hope this isn't true.

Hold strong Mr National, without you we are nothing but a disgrace.

Johnson said...

Oh wait, I meant Gillian McKeith... it would be way funnier though if Bowler was sniffing around your bowels though...

I have sent myself into a shame spiral