Friday, July 17, 2009

Christy does Disgrace

Bleedin Hell!!! Jayzus, the last time I was near a computer was when I waz carryin’ it out through the window of some posh feckers gaff out in Blackrock!!

Despite the above response to my initial approach, I can proudly announce that today's guest blogger on ND is Mr Christy Dignam, he of the Aslan.

Well ladz!! It’ been a rough day alright. Me and the bowzeys were down the studio dropping some tunes for the new record. Drummer guy joked that we’re the only band with more CRIMINAL records than ACTUAL records.. I didn’t know whether to laugh me bleedin hole off or take another bite of me battered sausie.. I did both to be fooking honest, and now I’ve got a raging bastard of heartburn...

Anyway, we managed one bit of the auld tuneage today.. a sort of a tribute to the late Phil Lynott (I say late, cos we invited the sap to record with us in 1982 and he still hasn’t arrived!!!.. but also cos he’s brown bread).. Called ‘Had my Phil” it was a bit of an experimento song to be honest.. I had to sing in a falsetto voice, you know, like a bird, and bleedin magee, it wasn’t aaasy.. some of the lyrics I wrote were off the jaysus North wall!! here, take a listen;

“Phil, you fill me.. I have a hole in me heart, won't you fill me hole Phil”..

The lyrics are always difficult, what with the words and the letters and stuff but one of the lads who’s been to school helped me.. He joked afterwards that I was a ‘total and utter idiot’. If his parents are readin, I’d try the liffey (wink).

Anyway, the recession is deadly isn’t it? Bargains to be had everywhere. I was taking a slash down the back of the Sallynoggin Inn the other night and a hardly eaten breadroll popped up out of the bin like a bleedin jack in the box!!!.. I mean, it was Cuisine the bollixin France for Jaysus sake!! I milled it down and finished me whizz and headed back under the bridge to the lads. "The Queen of Engalnd” they all called me when I was telling them of the feast, and I’ll be honest, a broken bottle appeared.. scars make the man me aul one used to say after one of her fistfights outside the dole office, and god bless her, the fuckin roll was delish!!

Me and the drummer robbed a dog for the laugh the other night.

What’s the story with the country right now?? I was on my way back from the scratcher the other day when I bumped into Brush Sheils... selling blow jobs for a tenner and an auld jig for an extra fiver.. It was only after I paid him that I realised that people are really desperate for munso at the mo.. But come on government yokes!! Pull the bleedin finger out. My Niece just had a babby, and for fooks sake she can barely afford to feed the thing (although her communion is coming up, so that should bring in a few bob).

Right lads!! been brillo chatting to you all and remember, be safe and be seen (wear a luminous condom!! ha ha)



Oh, by the way anyone wanna buy a dog?


Westy said...

I preferred the Directors Cut.

National Disgrace said...

It'll be on the DVD

Gordon said...

Just some more hero worship Disgrace.
I have today convinced Enda Kenny to regularly view your blogs. But be careful, he might rob some ideas and end up being funny. It's a dangerous business all the same.

Just to say that your posts make my work life balanced that little bit more weighted in favour of life. Don't ever stop posting dude. You have a gift for this stuff.

National Disgrace said...

Thanks Gordon, loved your stuff in the 80's (Wasn't a huge fan of Philip Schofield mind)

The Other Side Of The Coin said...

Dude nice one it almost prompted me to get into it but I'm tired of writing about suicide...