Had I of arrived home and found by father dressed as my mother, and my mother tied to chair with an orange in her mouth and all of my previous dogs knitted together and draped over a giant talking Celery, I would not of been as disturbed.
Had I awoken one morning and felt the unmistakable firmness of Fakeys buttocks pressed against my face, and the faint hum of Zuccheros 'Senza Una Donna' drifting from the tight confines of his bottom, I would not of been more disturbed.
Had I of switched on the Television, and been greeted with the terrifying trio of Dana, Dickie Rock and Maxi, oozing evil on the Tubriby Tonight show, I would not of been more disturbed... Oh wait, that is exactly what happened.
Staying in is the new suicide.
Had I awoken one morning and felt the unmistakable firmness of Fakeys buttocks pressed against my face, and the faint hum of Zuccheros 'Senza Una Donna' drifting from the tight confines of his bottom, I would not of been more disturbed.
Had I of switched on the Television, and been greeted with the terrifying trio of Dana, Dickie Rock and Maxi, oozing evil on the Tubriby Tonight show, I would not of been more disturbed... Oh wait, that is exactly what happened.
Staying in is the new suicide.
4 comments:
"Maxi, Dick 'n' Dana" (say it fast enough and it sounds like a korean skin flick)...a heady mix of dead-eyed blonde, industrial-strength creosote tanning spray and super-jebus powers all rolled into one...the ol' 3-headed light-entertainment beast from the bowels of hell. Ya can't beat it!
That just makes it mad...
i once sat in the audience of a TV tribute to Dolly Parton because i'd been told that the Republic of Loose would be live in studio (and it was a sunday, and i was bored, and there was free booze). turned out they'd prerecorded their slot and i was treated instead to live performances and chat with Maxi and Margo (wee Daniel's sister). i laughed it off good-naturedly (because i had been thoroughly enjoying said free booze) but it was no less horrific than it sounds.
Sheesh, you people with no kids and a life make me sick. I have to do that every Saturday. At least I have a remote and can switch to re-runs of something shit.
I'm still shaking. Dickie went on to do Suspucious Minds with the house band, but it will be his weird 'hand grab' thing that he kept doing that freaked me out. It was almost like 3-D tele-rape...
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