TV3 and BBC NI Spring Schedules

Written down on a pack of Major, and secretly delivered to Disgrace in an infamous Glory-Hole in Supermacs Galway, TV3 have launched their latest Spring schedule. I think you’ll agree, emigration has never seemed so desirable.

Also, after receiving a coded message from a raspy voiced Ulster-man, we can also reveal the new BBC Northern Ireland listings, under the threat of death of course.

BBC NI Spring Season Highlights:

The Sex Counties – A province divided by religion, yet unified by its love of all things carnal. Tonight, borders prove no barrier to romance, when a man attaches a telescopic device to his wee member and makes relations with a catholic in Dundalk

Border Collie – Crime drama about a dog who patrols the border crossing in Monaghan. Tonight: Ringo (that’s his name) is run over by train

Pipe Up! – Celebrating the best in local pipe bands. Today we meet the Falls Road Pipers, who quickly demonstrate that rather than ‘blowing pipes’ for musical enjoyment, they prefer to ‘blow up’ pipe bombs, for killing enjoyment - Featuring ‘Shultz’s Apricot Sonata’ on brass.

Orange Orders – CCTV footage of people ordering orange drinks from various pubs in the province

NI on film –‘ The Lord, the Lover and the Massive Car Bomb’ – Emotional tour-de-force about a want-away lord, who falls in love, buys a car and gets blown up. The twist is that it’s not necessarily in that order!

The Northern Irish News from Northern Ireland on BBC northern Ireland (not available in Northern Ireland) – News Flash – Man shows arse on bus in Belfast, sheep gives birth to chicken in Down and multiple decapitations at Windsor Park fail to ruin Milk Cup final

UTV news accidentally broadcast on BBC NI news – A Catholic wins a fun run in Manor-quigley, two tourists are released unharmed from a warehouse in Lugran and Gerry Kelly reveals his darkest secret

Sports results – Fermanagh Cowboys have beaten the Crossmaglen Paedos in a game of Hockey, whilst a group of youths have beaten some old people in a game of violence. Also, Linfield have done stuff too.

Snow Patrols Gary Lightbody talks about... Marxism – Soppy song-smith Gary Lightbody performs acoustic renderings of favourite Marxist mantras. Tonight, ‘The Giants Causeway is ours forever’ and ‘Give a Southy Some Celery’

TV3: Spring has sprung:

Hammered! – Saucy Ulster comedy. Finbar’s decision to rent an inflatable castle from the Orange Order Children’s Party Commission because it was cheaper than the other options goes off without a hitch, but when it explodes, killing all his children, he’s left staring at the saved pennies with a forlorn look on his face. Meanwhile, ‘up the road’. Angus is left in a quandary, sorry, I mean, Angus is left in a QUARRY. His body, that is.

Tullamore Housewives – Inspired by hit US show ‘Real Women of South California’ TV3 launch their new reality based TV show about the world of Tullamore Wives (Twilfs) – Tonight, Bernie bakes a cake for the GAA fundraiser, Bridget slips in silage and damages her elbow and Concepta’s son surprises everyone by stealing his father’s legally held shotgun and holding up a Centra

Half Past Seven – Entertaining look at a clock at exactly half past seven

Sing like you’re whinging – Talent show where we forgo the talent and concentrate on the back-stories that make us all cry. Tonight Brian from Galway dazzles us with his show of grief for his dead grandmother before breaking down during a clay pottery demonstration, and a former Christian brothers priest arrives on stage to entertainingly confess some heinous crimes before breaking down backstage in an emotional display of expert juggling

Peig Sayers on... – The legendary Islander is resurrected (Mark Cagney in charity shop women’s clothing and his wife's make-up) to interview some of Irelands most important PUBLIC figures about important issues – Tonight Peig talks to Brian Kennedy about the Buttevant train disaster and probes Enda Kenny about.. Well, actually, she just probes him.

GEE – TV3  presents the Irish version of the (s)hit US show Glee – (might want to delete the ‘s’ there before publishing, LOL – Ed) – Head of Irish Special Olympics Mary Davis is the guest star and immediately finds offence in the performance of the ABBA classic ‘the winner takes it all’ suggesting that everyone should get a prize. Also some shit people sing some shit songs for all the shits out there that like shit TV

Mrs Whites Boys – TV3’s thinly veiled ‘homage’ to RTE’s Mrs Browns boys’ gathers apace in the latest episode entitled ‘It’s all White!’- Barry accidentally leaves chewing gum on the toilet seat leading his mother to get stuck during her morning constitutional. Cue hilarity, and a life changing punch line, ‘I’m stuck on the jacks’

Premiere – Proud to announce that TV3 are the first terrestrial network in the world to show the latest Angela Lansbury movie ‘Tears of my daughter’ – Filmed in 1986 but not given a release until 2008, this taught thriller stars Ted Danson as a man who believes his daughter is the reincarnation of his dead wife, even though his wife is not dead, and he has no daughter. Cue much suspicion from his wife (Angela Lansbury) and his daughter (also played by Angela Lansbury) and Angela Lansbury who is played by both his wife and daughter. (1986, Dir. Fred West. Sepia)

Hammered - The NI comedy is back with a bang. Literally, the entire cast is killed by a car-bomb, left in a car, outside the studio. Which ironically had a strictly no car-bomb policy!

Gary Glitter on.. Two little boys – Singing superstar Gary Glitter tells us why he loves two little boys, the hit song made famous by Rolf Harris

TV3 Autumn Schedule 2011

From the ‘beating house’ of a former Magdalene Laundry, TV3 announced their new season in great style. With a heavy emphasis on programmes focusing on the recent horrific clerical abuse scandals, a few eyebrows were raised when the ‘Singing Priest’ was chosen to host the launch. These raised eyebrows soon turned to ‘lowered pants’ when Aidan Cooney arrived with the cans. 

The more reflective than usual schedule was littered with moral touch-points. The importance of community, age respect, and responsible young people’s programming, learning through enjoyment and badly reproduced British TV that was badly produced on British TV in the first place. 

Fancy some breakfast? - Lively morning show presented by Sinead Desmond. In episode one, Sinead meets DIY expert and convicted sex offender Brian O'McLoody who claims to be fully reformed and is now a committed ornithologist. To prove this he demonstrates how to create an inexpensive bird house and feeder from random household items. He also shows us how to build a bird house that not only doubles as a sex chamber with bird feeder abilities, but also as sex chamber for birds that can be made from random household items

Kicking the Habit – Documentary about the brutal assault of a Nun in Clonakilty in 1975. 

Why I love... Apples – Weekly series where we ask famous super-cool celebrities to explain what they love about life. Tonight, super-cool celebrity clones Jedward struggle to come to terms with the concept of fruit

Nuns with Willies – Odd couple Willie Nelson and Willie Thorne come together to spend a month living with the divine sisterhood of Mary Angelo in Ballincrosby. As well as learning the skills, and the dedication required to be a ‘woman of god’, they form an unexpected bond and the basis for a new show ‘I love Willies’, one Nuns emotional response to living with the mega-stars

Body of Christ, Christ what a body – Ex Mr Ireland Jake O’Neill presents a frank and sobering tale of clerical abuse in Ireland. Tonight he meets a victim of Paedophile cleric Malachy O’Frockcock and questions the broader role of society in dealing with abuse, and visits an ex-priest turned fashionista who now designs tank tops and shorts for boys, rather than touching them inappropriately

The Weather – Big fucking clouds

Celebrity erection in a Londis - Reality show featuring some of Ireland’s most iconic celebrities all battling for the honour of sporting the largest erection in a convenience store. Tonight, Amanda Brunker’s gender is questioned after winning by a good 3 inches.

Hammered! -The Six-County laugh-a-thon is back. In today’s slab of grimly funny northern life, peace breaks out. Full time bigot Alistair hugs a catholic in a bakery, whilst ‘’over the wall’, Brendan whistles a traditionally ‘orange’ tune at a bus stop, and gets off with a jovial light beating

Film – Dangerous Relations – Angela Lansbury stars in this VHS conversion about a woman who realises her husband isn’t who he appears to be (she check’s his passport) and so she cuts up all of his ties, leaving him tieless at the national tie convention of America. She also has a wheelchair bound daughter who has a speech impediment.

Late Night TV – a transvestite, who only pops on women’s clothing after midnight, explains why he/she is a late night TV – Sponsored by Flahavans.  Porridge, for transvestites.

Twink and you’ll miss it – High octane footage of Adele King (Twink) going by the camera really really fast. In this episode she speeds along on a pair of a roller-skates down Thomas Street

Fr. Brian Darcy’s ‘late night spook-a-thon’ - Tonight: the classic Romanian horror ‘Haunted Ghost,’ in glorious colour (1946 B&W). In a different take on the traditional poltergeist film, a ghost is terrorised by a ghost. The twist, well we might as well tell you as none of you will be watching - He’s haunted by the ghost of a ghost, but not just any ghost, but the ghost of a ghost who was once haunted by his OWN ghost. Christopher Nolan eat your heart out! Complicated, image heavy but ultimately shit. Followed by the draw for the Rehab lottery

Saint Christopher – Timely memoriam for the visionary director Christopher Nolan, who somehow found himself reading the TV3 listings and ate his own heart out, as suggested. Contributions from Christopher Nolan himself, which nicely adds a complicated twist to the whole thing

Maxi Priest – RTE Broadcasting legend ‘Maxi’ trains to become a priest in this show so she does.

TV3 Bailout Special

7 AM - Morning has broken, so is this Country - Mark Cagney greets the nation like only he can (gimp suit) in this special recession edition of the deeply unpopular and offensive breakfast show. Today Chef Neven McGuire cooks a ‘bailout breakfast’ of steamed newspaper and old twigs whilst music is provided by the band from the Titanic.

10 AM - How cheap is your house? - We meet a Dublin family who had it all; A beautiful 6 bed in Gorey which was just 2.5 hours from work, a shop and crèche that was literally only three bus rides away and a mortgage that was four times their monthly wage, and then lost it all when they realized what a pair of fuckwits they were.

11 AM - Varadkar! - Lively magazine show where ‘our’ Leo invites feuding families on the show to sort out their problems, live on air. Today chaos abounds after Leo removes his trousers to prove a point and Joan Burton continually makes fog-horn noises from the crowd.

12 PM - From Boom to Bust - We look at the effect of large explosions on women’s breasts. Sponsored by nobody.

1 PM - Lunchtime - Badly needed lunch for the employees of TV3; all four of them will be back at two after a recession busting 'hang sang and cuppa cha' in the TV3 'canteen' (bus shelter on Ballymount Rd) with loads of really shit news and wrong weather.

2 PM - Merkels about! - Angela Merkel and her candid camera continue to surprise unsuspecting members of the public with the usual hilarious results. In this episode she sneaks up on Taoiseach Brian Cowen as he showers, rather surprisingly likes what she sees and then makes a particularly sordid sex tape.

3 PM - Ant and Dec on... The Irish Debt crisis - Sobering chat from the two Geordies on how Ireland got caught up in a property bubble, what it needs to do to repair the economy and why a good old gunking and a fiddle about in a bucket of worms can help us all forget about our problems.

4 PM - Noonan’s Nuggets - Sinister voiced Michael Noonan reads from his collection of horrific tales, in his horrifically sinister tale telling voice. Tonight he terrifies us with the spookily titled 'Enda’s naked tribal dancing' and 'Brutons quivering buttocks'. Sponsored by Milk.

5 PM - Take Me Out! - Special recession edition of the hit dating show. Tonight a member of the public gets a chance to 'take out' one of 15 of Irelands 'hottest' politicians, with a semi-automatic shotgun and/or hammer.

6 PM - Oh Vincent - Family sitcom starring Vincent Browne - Tonight Vincent brings a girl home to meet his parents but after a lengthy standoff with the Gardai he is forced to release her safely, but he later cooks a lasagna and eats it.


6.30 PM - Hammered! - Special crisis episode of the Northern Comedy: Tonight: Ollies mortgage worries ease slightly after he his killed by loyalists outside the community centre whilst on the ‘other side’ Marty’s choice of Halloween costume (Provo uniform) goes down badly at the Orange Order get together, not least because Halloween was last month, but mostly because they kill him stone dead.


7 PM - Me so Harney - Fly on the wall documentary that follows the Minister for Health Mary Harney as she goes about her daily business. Tonight a revolving door causes a major scare and Mary is pelted with eggs after an oireachtas meeting leaving her bemoaning the lack of bread in the ministerial car for ‘eggy soldiers'


8 PM - Kilmore - He won't cut welfare, but he might slash your face. The thriller that has everyone talking continues as our anti-hero Eamon ‘Kilmore’ continues his murderous rampage across Ireland. Tonight a bingo hall mourns the loss of its caller and last years 'full house' champion after foolishly agreeing to a labour party fundraiser hosted by, you’ve guessed it.

9PM – FILM Anglo-Grinder – Disturbing horror about a group of grotesque pin-striped fat-cats who lure innocent victims into their lairs by offering free money before quickly launching themselves at them and sucking their blood, eating their faces and playing Frisbee with bits of their corpses before disappearing to somewhere where they blend in, in other words, the USA. (2009, Irish Taxpayer)

11 PM - Ghost Estate - Horror starring Thelma Mansfield who attempts to battle demons when her house doesn't simply get re-possessed, it gets possessed!! wooo-oooo.

12 MIDNIGHT – TV3 ORGY – seedy orgy in the usual place guys. Someone make sure the doors are locked to keep Halligan out. (EDIT – make sure you DO NOT somehow accidentally put this in the TV listings guys. ED)

The Grimes Twins

If I was the Grimes Twins Father, I’d have them both shot. I’d send them to a borstal. I’d pay a Limerick man to spring on them with a bicycle chain. I’d have them help me pour concrete for a new 'patio' in the garden and try to convince my wife that she's gone crazy and that we never even had kids when she wonders where they are. I’d spend 10 years studying orbital-mechanics just to be able to build a rocket in which to blast them into space. I’d get them a pet bear for their room and goad him with insulting text messages until he finally goes berserk. I’d have them boiled. I’d encourage them to bathe, face down, with a rucksack of bricks and toasters on their backs. I’d paste their faces onto tins of dog food and gradually train the pet Doberman to think of them as food. I’d invite disgraced priests for sleep-over's.

Think that’s cruel? Just about to dial the Garda confidential hot-line or are you already on Joe Duffy?? Well, before you say anything, have a think. Which is worse – the above litany of poor parenting, or the one which the two boys are already subjected to?

You see, pushing these boys onto X-Factor is a million million times worse that any of my evil suggestions.

Throw an industrial sized pot of hair gel into the air and you’ll hit someone who truly hates them. Their arrogant swagger. Their atrocious singing. The hair. They are a joke, actually, they are two jokes. But it’s not their fault.

When you’re 17, you’re pretty much the biggest dickhead ever to walk the planet. You’re a grade A knob-end, thinking you know everything. You’re brainless, clueless and need constant monitoring in case you do something very foolish. It’s with the grace of god and some good parenting that you emerge the other side a better person. When your life eventually makes sense, at around the 29 mark, you’ll look back at your younger, slimmer self and laugh. The poor Grimey Twins won’t be able to do that, because after the constant abuse they have been receiving on the show and the fact that they’ll always be defined at ‘those vertical haired Irish fucktards who couldn’t hold a note if it had handles’, they’ll have killed themselves.

Their Father, who appears in the news almost as much as they do, should have pulled them off the show ages ago. It’s one thing seeing your sons prancing around the stage singing ‘Oops I did it again’ in cat-suits and it’s another altogether when you stand by and let them take the abuse.

Disgraceful, says Disgrace.

TV3 - New Season

Launching their new schedule at the Rape Crisis Centre earlier this week, TV3 announced a host of new, original, and '60% less racist than last year', programmes to keep you shivering through the Autumn months..

Here's a sample day, which will be repeated the following day and for a number of other days after.

Breakfast at Tiffany's – Tiffany is a 18 year old mother of three and has kindly invited us into ‘her’ ‘home’ (it’s owned by the council) for our new morning show. Expect lots of ‘crack’ (smoking and injecting) as Tiffany greets the yawning and waking nation in her own inimitable style. There'll be shouting, spitting, Pajama wearing, and lots of negative talk about people not born in Ireland. Sponsored by Hitler’s, Castlerea.

Brush, Twice Daily - Lively magazine show presented by Brush Sheils. Expect guests, adverts, some more guests, some more adverts, a cookery section, some more adverts, and a totally obscene solo masturbation segment from Brush himself. Part two later.

Xpose! – Halloween Special - Blood sucking vampires, horrific masks and bony skeletons!! A normal episode so? No, not quite, we also have a pumpkin in the background to celebrate Halloween, officially the ‘scariest’ holiday of the year! Boo!!!

‘Horse’ with laughter - Brand new show where we take an ordinary horse from an ordinary west Dublin household and make them into a comedy genius. Tonight; the audience are left cold after an overcooked political routine from a 2 year old Mare falls flat, and also because someone left the door open. Sponsored by Superglue.

Lunchtime News - 2 murders, a tax increase, a look at hospital bed shortages and a bomb in Burma!!

Alan Hughes, GAA superstar – TV3’s shining light continues his insightful series by becoming a GAA player for a week with Ballymun Kickhams. Tonight Alan is beaten quite close to death with hurleys, verbally abused by arriving at the North Dublin junior final in a frock, raises violent eyebrows for offering flowers to a referee after a late tackle and castigated by his own team for constantly trying to score at the ‘wrong end’.. That’s our Alan! Sponsored by Gypsum Concrete.

Hammered! - The comedy that puts the ‘sex’ back into the ‘sex counties’ and that continues to knaw at the sectarian bone, is back. In this episode Liam barely makes it past the prison gates before his limbs are sent into orbit by a well placed car bomb. Meanwhile, ‘across the bridge’, Maggie is left with a moral dilemma when she finds a loyalist in her wedding dress. Will she wed? Or will she bleed to death? In fact, she does both!

TV3 at the races - Even hardworking TV3 people like to bet their earnings on the ‘nags’. Back after the final race.

All I do each night is Pray - Fascinating Documentary featuring Maggie Moore, an 87-year-old woman from Derry who has spent the last 26 years in a sleepless state due to her addiction to Prayers. We interview a priest who says she’s a dead cert for heaven, unless she commits a heinous crime.

Chicken Corrie and Chips - Due to a contract dispute with the mainland we are unable to bring you today's Coronation Street, but we have cleverly side-stepped the issue by creating a mock up episode featuring real live chickens. In this show, Chic-Ken Barlow attacks the hen loft after a heavy rain shower and a few too many bourbons, and there’s blood on the cobbles when a cock fight at the Rovers spills out onto the street. Followed by a classic episode of Chips, if only just to tie the whole title thing up!

Chaos! Disaster!! Annihilation!!! - Ant and Dec present a sobering study on the global climate crisis by inviting several celebrities to take part in simulated ‘worst case’ scenarios. Former English Rugby captain Laurence Dallaglio is tied to a pole one mile out to sea in the Oslo fjord, just outside Oslo, to demonstrate rising sea levels, and Avengers star Honor Blackman is hit full in the face with a comet to demonstrate being hit full in the face by a comet. Please note a special fund has been set up for Laurence's family, a text donation number will appear after the show, which viewers in the ROI (wherever that is) will not be able to SMS.

Down by the ancient fairy tree, she cast a maidens wondrous shadow, whilst the elderly piper and his band challenged the moonlight to a dance, far far away in the coal black sky – Lengthy titled Music Show.

Brush, Twice Daily - Second installment of the day for Brush and the gang. In this episode we’re forced to come live from the Dole Office, as Brush was going to be delayed due to a lengthy queue!

A Film - "This Camel has the hump” – Even the ‘straight to DVD’ gang rejected this, and with reviews like ‘vile’, ‘vacuous and alarming’, ‘almost Nazi’ and ‘The scene where the camel slips in the shower is not only an insult to the Catholic Church, but also our intelligence’ it’s sure to raise an opinion with you. (1986, Spike Roderick)

Play TV – It’s prizes (or even SUR-PRIZES) galore in our late night interactive game show. Simply call the number, punch in your credit card details and you’re done! You’ve just won a nasty surprise when you statement drops through the letterbox next week!!

Nightvision - Exciting look at nighttime. Tonight’s episode - Complete
darkness.

TV3 summer schedule

9AM: Look ‘Hughes’ Talking : Lively chat from the ever flexible Alan Hughes. On this mornings episode, Nobel prize winning politician John Hume storms out after being gunged, and a topical debate on the the dangers of nettles in cruising destinations. Followed by news for the deaf (stereo).

11AM: Brendan O’Carroll on... Wine : The lovable crimin...sorry, Comedian, continues his cultural journey with a guide to the finest wines and vineyards around. Tonight: Brendan gets pissed on a special offer Shiraz and urinates on a Luas.


12PM: Zchewky un Blarti - Ukrainian comedy from Estonia (with Greek subtitles) - A mysterious Welshman arrives in town and unsettles the local Turks with his loud flute playing and disdain for Mexicans (winner of best Maori television series at the Latvian media awards).

1PM: The Afternoon movie: An American Werewolf on the Orient Express (1968). Heart stopping thriller from the producer of ‘Satan visits Fundrerland’ and the Dairy Boards generic cheese advert. A trip on the fabled train turns to horror for a young family of Mormons as one by one they are savaged by a werewolf. Will Jean Claude Van Damme come to their rescue? Unlikely, as he is not in this movie.

5PM: Xp-LOSION: Live coverage of a tragic explosion at TV3 HQ during the recording of Xpose.

5:27PM: Xpose 2: A special episode of the popular entertainment magazine featuring a tribute to the untimely passing of all the previous presenters. Also, why tartan is IN this season.

7PM: Sports!! Sports!! Sports!! : A timely repeat of the Mongolian Trampoline championships of 1977, an event marred by a Llama invasion that sent the shock waves though the world.

8PM: Hammered: The taboo breaking Ulster comedy is back. The McGuiggans celebrate the release from prison of their elderly grandmother with a good old fashioned Ulster Fry (ie they burn a church), Meanwhile ‘over the fence’ the Harpersons are faced with a tough decision when ‘Snappy’, the family terrier, wags his tail during the Sinn Fein Ard Fheis. Warning, contains images of animal cruelty.

9PM: Boomerang Bay: The sex filled Aussie soap is back, and bolder than ever. Tonight, Wanga is horrified to find an orphan in her cornflakes and Greg tells Martha that he loves her, in a series of punches meant to represent sign language.

9.30PM: Cribs, with Brian Cowen!- Leader of the country Brian Cowen gives viewers a glimpse into his private life and explains why he keeps a herd of sheep in his garden.

10PM: Sheep Thrills: - The rape of Dolly - Alarming expose into the recent ‘sheep buggering’ episode that rocked Irish Politics, with an as yet unnamed Taoiseach at the forefront of the allegations. Music by The Script.

10.45PM: - Live Windsurfing ( Not the cool kind ) - All the action from today's goings on in Courtown. Filmed from a distance in the back of a moving car. Sponsored by Chewits

11.45PM: - Mind your own Quizness - The return of the popular Quiz.. Now, with ACTUAL prizes!... Sponsored my Mickey's Hardware - Ballina ' if It's hard and ware, it has to be Mickey's ' Open 3 Days a week.

12.30AM: The Valley - Soap set in rural Greenland. Today, a large snowstorm blows into town. Eué has difficulty shutting a window and a moose is keeping Júúúp awake

1AM: Cagney and Lacy: Disturbing drunken camera phone footage from the TV3 Christmas party where Mark Cagney models lacy underwear for the staff of Copper Face Jacks.


1.30AM: After Dark presents: Nurses in heat (2006). An amateur theatre group form Tallaght hospital present their version of ht hit motion picture ‘Heat’, with Matron (Concepta O’Shaugnessy) in the role of Al Pacino.

4AM: Power Cut - Due to a surprise power cut, programming tonight will end abruptly. See ya in a fortnight, The TV3 'team'.

Christmas Greetings from TV3

They were late this year..

“Dear Michael (?), we all know the feeling. You’re tucked up in bed, the soft glow of the landing light (or a visiting rapists torch) drifts into the room like a soft whisper (or silent and poisonous gas). The distant jingle of sleigh-bells (or a lunatic with a bicycle chain) arouse the senses as you start to count the hours until it will be Christmas morning. You’ve never felt so warm (house-fire maybe?) and a smile slowly creeps up on you (like a sleazy uncle on a hot summers day in the 80’s when you got one of those small paddling pools that everyone had). Well, guess what. With Irelands favorite* TV station, TV3, you get not only the best in year round entertainment, but also the best in Christmas television. Starting just before Christmas, and ending sometime after it, TV3’s 2008 festive schedule is packed to the brim with magic, wonder and advertisements. Just look at some of the examples :

An Audience with Alan Hughes - The ever popular ‘front lounge’ weatherman entertains a star studded audience at this specially recorded show. Viewers will hardly notice that the audience shots are from ‘an audience with Lionel Ritchie’, originally aired back in June. – Might want to remove that bit, LOL!!, Ed!

Filthy Carpet Munchers - Fascinating insight into the lives of carpet bugs and lice. Using microscopic microscopes we look at these little...Oh wait, you've stopped paying attention cos you thought this was a sexy lesbian show!!?.. Sponsored by Meanies

Snap! - Brush Sheils hosts this fast paced game show where contestants must battle each other by laying down cards on a table andshouting 'Snap' when two of the same cards appear together. Prizes provided by Graces newsagents, Ballinasloe

The big crazy fucking deadly Christmas movie – The Nutty Professor – Sober tale of a quiet 47 year old Norfolk Professor who is diagnosed with clinical depression based insanity which threatens the stability of his family and job. Starring Terry Nutkins (the Really Really Wild Show)

Live Olympic Games!! - Exclusive coverage of the dog Olympics from Serbia. We’re live from trackside for the ‘Dog on another Dogs back’ 75-metre hurdle and the final of the ‘bark off’. We also have extended coverage of this morning’s ‘Dog and Spoon’ race. Presented in association with Whiskas.

The School around the corner (From Albania) - Children say the funniest things, and this popular show from the former Eastern Bloc country is no exception. Today we meet the students of Zigau girls school who have battled back from the horror and trauma of an attack from a marauding decapitation gang and a serious gas leak that went unnoticed for six years.

Bowling for Coolmine - Behind the scenes documentary, which sees a team of amateur Bowlers from the North Dublin estate cashing in on their close name association to the Michael Moore film

Hammered - The hilarious Ulster comedy continues to win awards and last week was the recipient of the first ‘Pat the Baker’ television hero prize. In this special Christmas episode, Milo is concerned to find his house has been burned to the ground and his car daubed with politically sensitive slogans. Whilst on the ‘other side’ Jamie’s hands are sawn of by the O’Malley twins leaving him doubtful for his wedding later that day.

I think you will agree, that TV3 is simply more than ‘UTV with a different logo’ and this Christmas raises the bar of in festive entertainment.

All the best for the festive season,
The TV3 gang!"


*Survey was conducted in the men’s toilets of Busaras. Question asked “If we threatened to drug you, beat you and send your body in small pieces to each member of your family, would you agree that TV3 is the best TV channel on Irish Television?”. We got 6 yes’s.!

33 and a turd and/or the whoring twenties

In my 20's I had no morals, no future, and no standards.


The 'nothing years' I like to call them. Your twenties. The decade passes for most people in a blur of new relationships, passing music fads, and desperate fashion (carpet jackets, black Nike high tops and a yellow floral tight shirt that I thought made me look like Jarvis Cocker, when in fact it made look like a total cock). I worked in a petrol station and used to lie to girls in Whelans that I was in the 'oil industry'. I wrote poetry and posted it to the same girls, after they dumped me. 'You'll be sorry' was sent to a long termer. 'Mind the traffic bitch' to another. I made up for a lack of charisma, style and looks with a quirky odour. I parted my hair in the middle and invented the inverse dance to 'song 2' from blur in Whelans, where I would go mental to the quiet bits and stand perfectly still to the loud ones. I lived in a bedsit in Terenure in which my futon literally floated after a flash flood. I was so rock and roll that I used to complain about the noise from the old woman in the flat above me. I had a slug infestation and once woke up beside a pretty little bank teller to the sight of two of them on her leg 'your tongue feels lovely' she said, needlessly reminding me that she was totally and utterly drunk. I once, perhaps, manslaughtered an Australian girl when I knocked her from her bed trying to turn Jamoruqi off the stereo and she hit her head off a radiator. I deejayed in Doyles to 3 people, all of whom were related to me. They reckon I still owe them a refund.

Then towards the end of this troubled era I grew up. I got a better job. I got a better place. I got a better girlfriend. That's really where all the trouble began.

You see, despite the fact that I was an idiot in my twenties, I had a lot of fun. I had a lot of girls. I took unhealthy risks. I killed a Jamourqui fan.

Now, I'm starring into the abyss that is the age of man. I'm virgin (sic) on 33. I used to say to Fakey (who reaches the age of man this week) when he had one of his 'crises', "get off the cross dude, someone else needs the wood!!" now, rather than being crucified like my hero Jesus I'm being told 'just go off and die in the corner there love'. I thought I'd be a doting father by now, with kids. A money man, with money. A home owner who owned a home. Instead, I'm a fuckwit, who can't get ...... Well, maybe I actually can, it's just that the youthful centre parted gung-ho attitude of my twenties has been replaced by a sensible, nose to spite the face, stubbornness that sees me in on a Halloween night watching Ghost World only cos it has Ghost in the title.*

I have become too critical. This blog is littered with my opinions. It's littered with my mistakes. It's littered with a thinly veiled hated of TV3 that those of you with half a brain would already of guessed means that I watch it religiously. What it has not been littered with is stories of Antipodean murders, wantin public sex acts and regrettable encounters with women with beards. Had I of wrote this blog in my 20's, it would of. It would of spoke of nameless women, all stroking my ego and not being given the respect of me remembering their names.

It would of been filled with college tales so outlandish that even I struggle to believe them (such as when I was removed from Fairways hotel disco in Dundalk, only to gain re-entry by climbing a drainpipe, entering a bedroom and passing a couple as they woke to say 'Oh, this isn't the gents'). More near death experiences, such as when I woke up under Templeouge bridge with my jeans on backwards and contracted serious blood poisoning, but ended up in a 4 year relationship with the girl who lured me there. And the time I actually was covered in milk (only I was sleeping in a some random strangers garden on the Avenue Rd, Dundalk: at 3 in the day). The decade that I fondly look back upon as the 'nothing years' was in fact that.

There was nothing like it.

2008, Disgrace, still so-obviously single.

*Written on Halloween night

The Metro

I somehow found myself watching TV3’s ‘Miss Universe Ireland’ competition on Sunday night and felt obliged to make some observations. Firstly, the entire experience was to enjoyment, what a ten-car pile-up involving a number of your closest relatives, is to Christmas. The hosts, (Some bloke called Caprice and Alan ‘I do the weather, interviews, cookery segments and other gentlemen’ Hughes) were as mismatched a pair as I could possibly imagine and had all the chemistry of a rapist and his/her victim.

Anyway, speaking of TV3, this morning’s Metro newspaper proclaimed ‘TV’s Sinead in brain scare’. Sinead Desmond is actually one of TV3’s better hosts, and as happens is in a worrying condition in hospital. The headline on the Metro however, as is with their usual brand of sensationalism, didn’t concern me. I figured the story within would be a throwaway piece with nothing to do with her health concerns, brains or even her. Unfortunately it did. That’s where we are at with this condensed breakfast buliten sheet. Their headlines have been known to flirt with the bizarre, and rarely have much of a link to the story. See “Sausages cause cancer” and “Smiling at work can kill you” for further reading. And the real story goes missing underneath it.

Anyway, all of this is just an excuse to publish National Disgraces special guest edition of the Metro.

Broken Ideas (2)

More from the vaults, which probably should of stayed in the vaults...


Sometime 2007 "TV3 Post 'out-takes'

15:00 - You little....Rascal!! - Kids entertainment courtesy of Rascal, a cute half Pigeon, half hoofed-beast who is always getting himself into trouble. Today, he is arrested for his involvement in the Birmingham bombings

21:00 - Wakey Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus returns to our screens as an innocent man (PROVEN BY THE COURT OF LAW) to host our new Breakfast show. Today Billy travels to Manorhamilton where he meets Linda Martin, a Molly Malone lookalike and a Priest with a terrifying secret

12:00 - Bracken Lane - New soap set in the working class streets of inner city Dublin. In tonight's episode, a gas explosion kills everyone on Bracken Lane.

19:30 - Hammered - The Northern comedy is back. Joxer is suspended from school after spraying the canteen with bullets whilst Alan immediately regrets getting his lips stuck in on a grenade pin. Meanwhile, 'across the road', Eric's day goes from bad to worse when the tank he's driving in is involved in a collision with the Zoo.

22:00 - The Valley - Rural Greenlandian soap. Tonight, Mort treats Sééépunt to fishcakes and Júúli disagrees with someone on the phone. Meanwhile, Hoopéén finds a pencil in his pocket"


Summer 2007

“Sometimes it takes an outsider to make things better. Like Jack Charlton or Hitler.”


April 2007

“Skobies.

Where do you start?

Genocide?”

Sometime 2007

The Funeral

Death sometimes has a habit of sneaking up on you. You hear it all the time.. 'He died suddenly' and 'one minute he was alive, the next he was dead'.

The topic of conversation in McGuire’s Pub was much along the same lines. Over the music, the laughing, and the clash of empty beer glasses, two old men sat remembering an old friend.

'Of course, he loved his Mother' remarked one of them, as he rested his walking stick against the wall.

“She was a fine woman” his friend replied ”Once saw her carry a sick horse on her back, up and down McGonongle’s Hill. It was a Christmas morning I believe”

The other man nodded and remarked that the he 'knew' the horse in question and that it went on to live to be 74 years of age.

“I suppose I'll have to pour my own?” said the other one, winking across the bar. “ Will you take another one in there Jack?”

Jack looked at his watch, it had stopped working in 1968 “ Sure, go on Matty, actually get me two”

Matty returned to the table slowly. Very, very slowly. Jack didn't notice the delay as he had broken into song and was mid verse when Matty had returned with the pints. The table in front of them was now overflowing with empty and half empty glasses. Matty squeezed the five pints in and sat down. The afternoon sun had begun to peep through the blinds, and behind the warm hazy glow of dancing dust, Jack was bellowing out something about rebels and fairies. Matty decided to join in and add his vocals to the song. As the two old men sang two completely different songs the band began to play again. There was whoops and shouts and elbows flying as a full scale hooley developed. Jack finally stopped singing when a fist fight developed close to him and knocked one of his pints over. The brawl had now extended to a whole corner of the pub and tables and stools were being used as bargaining tools.

“If he was alive now he'd put a stop to that” Matty muttered, between verses

“Be the love of god, he'd be over the bar with the shotgun” Jack replied

“Do you remember the that coloured lad that walked in of the street?” Jack enquired

“I do” Matty replied “ Paddy was across the bar quicker than one of Holohan’s foxes”

“Sure, he never once shot that gun in anger. He'd have it for scaring the darkies and the like, but they say he didn't have a bad bone in his body”

A chair flew across Paddy's head, narrowly missing him Soon, the row had died down, with only the hardcore few still slugging it out on the street outside. Matty, with no hint of romance whatsoever, had by now embraced Jack and they were breaking into a chorus of 'Ooh Ahh Paul McGrath', in honour of the time Paddy chased the ex Ireland international towards Higgins with his shotgun. It had become impossible to count the amount of glasses on their table as it had collapsed when one of the drunken brawlers fell on it. He was very apologetic to Matty and Jack, in a sincere and bloodied way, but paid dearly for his concern when the delay to apologise resulted in him being knocked unconscious by Rory Hanlon and his Mother Bridie.

Jack and Bridie courted back before decimalisation and he'd learned first-hand that she was quite the woman. Rory was her 15th and was working on the farm. He'd always look out for Jack, as his mother still had a soft spot for him (just beneath her moustache) and used to drop down a head of cabbage to him every Christmas. Bridie had however hooked up with one of the Walshe brothers (or 2 if local rumours are to be believed) and they'd married when Jack was up in Dublin for the day. Jack never married, and barely even looked at a woman since.

Matty broke his embrace from Jack and sat up. Two minutes later, when he was eventually fully standing up he removed a roll up cigarette from his pocket and went to walk outside. Jack decided to have a short nap whilst his friend was gone and settled down on the bar. It was nearly dark by the time Matty had arrived outside, and the only trace of the earlier row was a burnt out car and members of the emergency response unit. Enda MacGillicuddy came racing up the road on 'Wobbler' (his horse) and nodded to Matty.

“The Under-12's were beaten I see” he shouted as he sped past

Matty nodded back at him.

“But sure they were playing up a pitch with a bad hill on it” Enda added “ in both directions”

Matty shouted back but it was difficult to hear as the sirens from the Garda car chasing the horse were too loud so he went back into the pub. Jack had woken from his sleep by the start of the Karaoke and was sitting beside the bar, tapping his feet.

"How's young Paudi?" Jack asked

“Sure he's grand. After buying one of them apartments up in Dublin” Matty replied

“Still into the young fellas??” …..

unfinished

April 2008

“Imagine being trapped under a bed whilst two trumpets have sex.

The noise..

Christ my head hurts this morning.

TV3 Christmas Schedule

TV3 Christmas

In the spectacular surroundings of the future site of the Poolbeg incinerator, TV3 launched their Christmas Schedule last night to much fanfare. Invited guests were dazzled by the charms of Toni, the 72 year old exotic dancer and Matt Cooper's extraordinary juggling.

Christmas Day:

6am - SantaMental - A festive tale with a twist as Santa Claus is accused of mass murder in 1930s Wisconsin. Viewers please note that some Children may find the scenes of ‘Santa in the Electric Chair’ and ‘Santa’s autopsy’ disturbing, particularly as we are showing this at 6am on Christmas morning, just as every child in the country is waking.

9am - Black Mass - Celebrating Christmas from St Ivor’s in Clonmel. Presented by Mary Black.

10am - Johnny Snowman, PI - Special Holiday episode of the award winning Cop show from Liberia. In today’s episode Johnny Snowman decides to celebrate Christmas by switching on a radiator.

11am - Xpose Christmas Special - Another chance to catch TV's sexiest bunch of transvestites as entertainment news and gossip from all around the globe is beamed via your television set, into your living room. We catch up with Brendan Bowyer before AND after his colon operation and we meet the Fair City actor who but behind a series of rape allegations, and a serious drink driving incident, to become on the nations favourite actors.

12pm - British Soap Opera - More drama from the mainland as we catch up with the comings and goings of a typical UK rural village. In today's episode a buck toothed Irish gombeen causes havoc when he releases wild pigs into the local comprehensive

1pm- News from the Back of a Bike - Bibi Baskin presents all today’s
headlines from the back of a bike on the Naas Dual carriageway.


2pm - The Big fucking huge massive Christmas Movie - Prazgo Et Wzicky - Dark and broody tale from Lithuania about the 1917 coal shortage. Andre Kiniswizcech stars as a boy in love with his own brother who must face up to the stark realities of life in the mines, and adulthood, when his brother is killed by a train. (1945 - Black and White )

4pm - Queens Speech - Ant and Dec present the eagerly awaited monarchs Christmas message.

6pm - The Colin Farrell Sex tape - Hi-octane sexual performance from the 'faddeler' and some whore. Sponsored by Woodies DIY

8pm - The explosion of Mary Albert's - Taught and emotional tear jerking heartbreaker starring Victoria Principal as an emotional and tearful broken-hearted woman who has just had her heart broken by an unemotional man. Her only friend, the bottle, comes to the rescue, but in a tear jerking and heartfelt finale, which is full of emotion, she finally meets a man (Hulk Hogan) who she feels can mend her broken heart TVM 1982

10pm - Gary Glitter (Live in Concert) - Rock legend Gary Glitters spectacular performance from London, 1985. Features all the hits. Support from the Welsh Junior boys choir

12pm - Sing me a sad song - Harrowing insight into the Welsh Junior Boys Choir scandal from London in 1985 when they were assaulted by an unnamed Rock Star, after a concert in London

1am - Power Cut

TV3 is GAA

I'm sure the many fans of the GAA are rejoicing today with the news that TV3 (The Camden Casket of Broadcasting), have snapped up the rights to 40 important football and championship games next season. After the job they did with the Rugby World Cup (where it looked like it was broadcast from a listing boat), the notoriously no-frills GAA community will be more than satisfied to watch games that will most likely be filmed on CCTV cameras and will feature instant replays that will be painted like those old 'courtroom' images from the news. The red lemonade and hang sandwich brigade don't want flashy graphics and expert punditry. A priest with a score card and the manager of the St Honnucas under 15's will do. Echoing the GAA mantra of take your points and the goals will come, the studio will actually be 2 chairs and a table in the carpark in the hope that four walls and a roof are built around them.

But the coverage doesn't stop there. Once monthly, TV3 will broadcast 'You make me want to HURL' which will follow a group of Nun's from the west who enter a team in the national hurling championships and the many adventures they get up to along the way and 'Celebrity Sandwich Filling' which has nothing to do with the GAA whatsoever

To launch the new deal with the GEE EH EH?, members of the hit drama 'Heartbeat' and the gay guy who presents the weather on morning AM took part in a 'volleying' competition on the Naas Dual Carriageway.

For the record it was Heartbeat 17 - Weather Gay 12.

TV3 - AUTUMN SCHEDULE

Boasting "Literally 'hours' of original content", and "more adverts than you can shake your wallet at", TV3 today announced it's jam-packed Autumn schedule. From the exotic surrounds of the public toilets at St Stephens Green, and with an obvious emphasis on fun, Gary Glitter tribute act 'Up the Glitter' entertained the invited guests and journalists before the main presentation by the head of programming.

Ranging from Drama to Comedy, TV3 have delivered a mesmerising selection which is guaranteed to delight.

Here's some Highlights:

Reality:

The Bus - NEW SERIES - Documentary following a 14A as it gets it's monthly wash at Donnybrook depot. Featuring close up shots of the Bus windows before AND after the wash

Cookin’ Deadly!! - Cookery show presented by members of chart-topping Dublin rock group Aslan. Today Christy prepares Sausages in Batter for his 42-year-old Grandmother whilst the ugly drummer guy attempts a Batch Loaf sandwich. Sponsored by Murphy’s Opticians, Ringsend.

Drama:

Heartbreak Street - New drama series from the US focusing on thelives and loves of a group of twenty-something’s on ‘Heartbreak Street’. Episode One: Alan and Jessie’s romance ends in heartbreak, whilst there is heartbreak in store for Molly. Meanwhile, Craig is bracing himself for heartbreak as he goes to visit Marcy.

Muldoon and Le Touche - Detective series straight from the US featuring two sexy lesbian cops. Muldoon is a 21 stone African American whilst Le Touch is an alcoholic Canadian with a gimpy leg. Today the crime-fighters uncover a secret drugs warehouse and are shocked to find drugs in it

Comedy:

Hammered! - Gritty Northern comedy from the North - Episode One - Bowsy is skinned alive outside the community centre and Jonny gets into a fist fight with his Granddaughter. Meanwhile Gerry and Melissa’s wedding is off again as he gets nailed to a cross by provos and Andy has some serious questions to answer after he’s discovered floating in a pint of milk.

Light Entertainment:

The Big Happy Alarm Wake Up Call Morning Breakfast Dawn Entertainment Show - Snappily titled breakfast show presented by Fr Brendan Smith (Not that one!!).Today’s guests include a young Longford boy who believe his teeth are haunted and a couple who claim their washing machine says 'sausages' when they put it on a mixed fabric wash.

Sport:

The World Cup Final! - Live coverage of this years Egg and Spoon World Cup Final from Algeria. Competitors battle it out for the World Cup Final, in this, the Egg and Spoon World Cup Final

Movies:

Cysb u Indoiom - Classic Kurdish movie starring Alsaf Hxemipo as a horse who dreams of being a little boy. (1956)

And....

TV3 - A celebration – Hour-long special celebrating TV3’s birthday. Catch up with the gay guy who does the weather in the mornings as we go behind the scenes in our shed, sorry, studio. Filmed on a Nokia 6230 in mostly bad light for that ‘ cheap ‘ affect

Eircom League 'Weakly'

I once snuck into Dalymount park by climbing through some blackberry bushes, leaping over someone's back wall and then spending 2 hours perched on one foot (with barbed wire ripping at my trousers), in an attempt to catch a glimpse at Andy Townsend's debut for Ireland Vs France. I could just about make out the top of one of the goals, but by and large, I could not see anything. It was also lashing rain.

Last night I watched eircom league weekly on TV3 and the memories of that horrible night came flooding back. Now, I commend them for broadcasting it in the first place, and the studio discussion is leaps and bounds above the same for international games. But the coverage? Oh fuck. We saw some 'action' from Longford, that looked like it was filmed on a camera phone from the back of a moving bike,
whilst I could of sworn the highlights from Waterford were filmed from a security camera. Obviously TV3 undercut RTE to get the gig, but by compromising the quality, it is ultimately the league that suffers. Most peoples opinion of the LOI is based on what they see on TV, so it would really help if the back of someone's head wasn't in the way or it wasn't filmed from a tree

It's a real pity as the quality of the game is vastly better than it has been for a long time. Teams like Drogheda and St Pats are not just professional in name, but also in nature. Now if only TV3 was the same

Oh, and did you know they've got the rights to Irelands Rugby World Cup games?

Soupy Norman and John O'Donoghue

Got this clip today of Soupy Norman. It looks like a TV3 production such is the bad level of quality but you get the gist. It was far from the funniest segment on this episode, but what you gonna do, sue me?

While I'm at it, this from Naked Camera is a guilty pleasure of mine. I think PJ Gallaher is a bit of genius, and the last 40 seconds of this clip proves it.

Other funnies:

Dylan Moran, from Monster, Monster and Black Books

Classic Dave Allen

Apres Match rugby spoof

David O'Doherty

And the 'Clown' Comhairle..

The Revolution will not be Televised

Those charmers at onefortheroad have come around to my way of thinking and kindly doffed thier caps in my direction too..

It's nice to feel less alone sometimes..

Britain's got Problems

A couple of posts back, I laid into TV3 for showing a Variety show called 'Britain's got talent'. I didn't go into it then, but my reasons were many. One of them was because I honestly believe TV3 to be the media wing of the Devil. Another, and the main reason in my eyes, was the fact that this show, a celebration of British talent, was being broadcast on a Irish television station. Now, some of you will point out that TV3 get nothing from the government and they can show what they like, and isn't Mark Cagney a great inspiration to us all etc etc.. But I take massive offence to this. RTE are losing valuable advertising revenue to these losers and because of this, home grown programming is suffering on the national carrier. TV3's 'local' output stretches to a breakfast show hosted by a bunch of gormless dickheads that looks like it's broadcast from Dundrum Mental Hospital, an 'entertainment' magazine that would turn your stomach and a News show that is so cheap and tacky you can pick it up in Hector Greys for €2.

And then there was Keith Duffy's box.

Here's the thing though.

I watched Britain's got talent.

One of the most disturbing things about this (other than the parade of bed-sit murderers that appeared on it) was the fact the 'the Irish' could vote. Why on Gods earth would anyone in this country want to vote in this? Where was the benefit for us? Oh, yeah.. 10c from every call went towards the Royal Variety Fund. Bless

The other disturbing thing about this horrible experience was the performers. They ranged from a singing Bookie to a toothless 6 years old, and a couple of idiotic barmen to a guy piggybacking his brothers death.

So, a weird looking guy won after tugging at 'the nations' heartstrings by singing Nessum Dorma. People cried and wailed. Now, If Ian Huntley sang this to me while he pinned both my cats to the wall, I'd probably cry too. It's that kind of song. But the Brits didn't care. It captured the mood of a country still trying to get over "7/7". Anyway, he won out by beating a bunch of losers that were so offensive my TV kept switching itself off. There was a guy who used every opportunity a mike was waved in front of his face to tell 'us' that his Brother was dead and he was left to care for his two children (These children were paraded about regularly too). He would then break into 'tears in heaven'..

Give. me. a. break.

One of the other acts was a 6 years old girl who should be at home playing with her Sindy doll or whatever but instead was attempted to sing like an adult. The 20 hours a day practice really showed and she's a credit to her parents. There were other acts too. All of them uniformly shit and the sort off people you would leave your kids with, if you despised your kids and wanted to see the back of them that is.

And, let us not forget that the show was presented by Ant and Dec.

Come back Keith Duffy, all is forgiven.

Prank Garda Call

Todays Business:

• A Garda prank, found on You tube and created by someone called Ian Benjamen Kenny.. Worth listening to, as it's unfortunately, very real...
  
  
  
  
• Astute observations from Twenty Major
• Fake Empire dumbs up
• Britains Got Talent, and viewers too..

TV3 is completely shit

Look, obviously nobody watches TV3. It's understandable when you consider the rubbish they peddle. Xpose, with it's celebrity shoe size exclusives and interviews with Z list nobodies is so deeply offensive that allegedly the Vatican are considering issuing a statement about it. Ireland AM is a slow motion car crash being replayed slowly, and in slow motion. Like a Car crash, happening very, very slowly before your eyes.

I presume therefore, that most of you have de-tuned it from your television sets or have at the very least, destroyed these TV's and installed a fresh batch of glaucoma on your eyes. For those of you that haven't, you may have noticed that this "channel" has just launched a brand new entertainment show. The show is called "Britain's Got Talent". I'll leave it there before I get violent.

You will need to go here, and then here

The TV3 Taoiseach.. Hello! it's gonna be OK!

Hugo 'Boss' Chavez is at it again.

Hmmm.. I'm relatively unmoved by the plight of the above, because if 'BA an Taoiseach' did the same with TV3, I'd rejoice. Then again, after looking at Bertie and his twin Grandchildren posing with Cadburys flakes in their mouths yesterday, I have a funny feeling he views Threeeeeeeeeeeeeeee as a positive addition to our culture.

Next he'll have a walk on part in Cornonation Street

*Thanks to Bloggorah for the Pic*